RIP Tucker

Two years and a little over a month ago, I came to college. If you would have asked me then if I thought frats and sororities were stupid, I would have screamed hell yeah. I'm a little bit more hesitate these days.

Yesterday, Clemson received the awful news that one of our very own student's body was found in the near by lake. It was a very scary and mournful day. People made sure they hugged their loved ones a little longer and tears were shed even if you didn't know the kid. Because Clemson is a family. We had a family member die, and it effects all of us.

We were blessed to have supporting love from the entire student body and even surrounding school, including our rival, USC. On Tuesday, the campuses were flooded with people in orange because #OrangeforTucker. There has already been two candle lightings and a moment of silence for this kid. People care.

But then, it started to get nasty. Naturally, people got nosy. We wanted to know; Why? How? Who did it? Was it an accident? Was he drunk? Did someone kill him? Everyone's favorite scapegoat? His fraternity. 

Tucker Hipps was running with his fraternity early Monday morning. Later that morning, they noticed Tucker was not there. They began searching for him. Early afternoon, they decided to contact police. At 3:30pm, his body was found. 

Nobody knows what happened, not yet at least. But it seems like everyone has their beliefs. So, let me tell you what I know.

My boyfriend is in a fraternity. I used to defend him saying things like, "He's not really fratty!" But the truth of the matter is, every single fraternity brother that I know, LOVES his brothers with all his heart. Whether they are the pledges, NIBs, or the president, their bond is strong. They look after each other. They care for one another. Am I saying that every single guy in a fraternity is an amazing guy? Hell no. Just like everywhere else, they are bad and stupid people. But am I proud of my boyfriend and his "brothers"? Hell. Yes.

I'm not saying the Tucker's fraternity is innocent, because I honestly have no earthly idea. All I'm saying is that they deserve to be given a chance. After all, "innocent until proven guilty" right? And Clemson's greek system as a whole does not deserve to be put to shame or blamed for this. Earlier tonight, I saw a facebook post that said "Something is rotten in the Clemson Greek scene." You, sir, are mistaken. For it was not "Clemson Greek" that killed Tucker Hipps. How about we all stop jumping to conclusions about this and mourn the loss of our fellow tiger!

maybe

It's interesting how life treats you some times. One day, you are as happy as you could be and then the next, you are down on your knees, begging for mercy.

It's been a long time since I've written. Mainly because I thought I had gotten it all together. Life was good again. Things were normal. But that's not true. When is life ever normal? What is normal for that matter? Is constant fighting and drama normal? Cause that normal sucks. 

When summer came, I felt free. I got this amazing job that I truly loved. All my friends and I were back on the right track and I was happy. I wish I could bottle that feeling up and safe it for times like these. I wish I could spread it out so that I would never have to feel like this. Never have to feel alone. I'm not sure why God throws these twists and turns at us, but if I know one thing, it's that I sure as hell need Him. 

Everyone always tell you that college is so amazing. But I don't know if I believe them. Sure, I've had fun and met my best friend and the love of my life here, but college kinda sucks. I'm surrounded by people who don't understand me, don't have the same values as me, and I'm suppose to be having "the best four years of my life" here? How? College is prepping me for a job after I get my degree, but how are the suppose to prep me if I have no freaking idea what I want to do with my life. Sure, my major is fun for the most part, but I'm not sure I can do this the rest of my life. I'm not good at school.

What is the purpose? What's the purpose of getting this degree that, truthfully, I'll probably only use for 5 years before I have kids? What's the purpose of trying to become friends with people that I literally have nothing in common with? What's the purpose of all this? Cause I honestly don't know anymore.

But you know, maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the one who is making this so hard on me. Maybe I overthink every situation to where no joy comes out of it anymore. Maybe I push people away because I can't accept people with different believes and morals than me. Maybe I'm forcing myself to be alone. Maybe.

random thoughts

so i've decided that i just don't like capitalization when i'm typing. it just takes way too long to mess with that crap. i would get rid of all punctuation if i could but i feel that would confuse people too much. so you're welcome for keeping some formal elements to these posts. also, i don't like having to think of catchy titles, so that will probably go down the drain too #sorrynotsorry {just said that, yup.}

today i was ubber bored at work so i decided to expand my bloggy knowledge and there is wayyyy more to it than i realized! so i have now joined bloglovin! fancy, yes i know. there's also a cute little button you can press on the right side to follow me! not everyone at once now.... no? okay, fine whatever. i won't cry about it later or anything...

one thing that i found out about blogging that i am actually really looking forward to getting involved in is the community. connecting with other "bloggers" {i don't like being called that}. it feels a little bit like online dating to me so that's weird, but it's whatever. if these girls are anything like how they write, then we will get along just fine. 

oh, so story time! yesterday at work, the coffee maker went all crappo on us, so that was fun. and for some reason, since i'm the intern, everyone turns to me with death rays coming from their eyes demanding i fix it {okay, i'm being a little dramatic but still}. well i certainly did not know how to fix that thing-a-ma-bob soooo that was cool. someone called the repair man {who knew they had those for coffee makers} and after 2 scary hours in the office with no coffee, it was fixed. BUT then our internet went out. and we do all our work over the internet so people played a lot of 2048 and we were all sharing our high scores. i won. mainly cause i have nothing better to do at work but play, but i was not about to tell them that. i am a hard working intern... i promise. but that was my interesting/scary day at work for ya.

another cool thing happened last night too! found out i'm my daddy's favorite, no shock here. SEE! proof:

sorry daddy, i told everyone! hehe but what do you expect?!? i would be my mom's favorite too if it weren't for those dang grandkids.... one day i'll be on top again, mark my words. now i'm sure lots of you {mainly my siblings} are trying to justify that you aren't the favorite by saying some rubbish like "it's not a competition" but let's face it, i'm a swiger. everything is a competition to us. and i win. 

also, it's super rainy this week and matt and i are suppose to be going to carowinds on saturday and if this rain ruins it, i will be pissed {to say it nicely}. 

well, i think i've done enough rambling for today and i'm sure all of you are super entertained by my random thoughts. no? whatever, it's cool.  

Here's To Me

So I've been writing on here (I don't like to call it blogging) for the better of four months now, and it has been fantastic! But lately, it's been more of a task, which I don't like. I started this blog to vent and kind of relieve myself of some of the built up crap that I had nobody to talk to about. It was my stress reliever and my outlet. Recently though, it has been putting stress on me. I feel like I have to put out the best posts that everyone will love and I feel like I have to post ALL the time. So I've made a decision.

I'm taking back control of my blog! I'm gonna start posting about what I want to post about. I'm gonna only post when I really want to talk about something. I'm not gonna worry about how many people read this thing. It's gonna be for me and only me. No more sharing it on facebook, mainly because my timeline is way too clogged with blog links at the moment. No more posting the link on twitter. Those are just another way for me to be way too concerned with readers.

While I love that people read this random blog and I am happy to share my life and my struggles with anyone who is willing to listen, I'm not gonna worry myself with numbers anymore. If this decision shoots my numbers way down and only 5 people read it a day, so be it! It's here for me and I'm going to repeat that so I never forget it. 

I'm not a writer, never have been. Some of my favorite blogs are by people who write exactly how they talk. I don't dream of this blog being famous or getting a million views per day. I dream of being real. Being open and honest and being myself on here. I'm not gonna act like I'm this perfect girl who has it all together and what the world really needs is my insight, because that's sure as hell ain't true! I'm screwed up! MAJORLY! I make mistakes, I sin (a lot), I'm unhappy with a lot of things going on in my life right now, but at least now I'm gonna be honest about it. 

P.S. In case you were wondering, insecurity sucks. Trust me, I'm drowning in it, and it blows big time! 

So here's me!

And here's some things that I just like:

This is how I feel about most things:

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I feel like making this face ALL. THE. TIME. and I love RDJ ;)

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I'm scarily sarcastic and very dry about it: 

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I need to learn this:

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Praying For You

When I was in middle school, I went to this amazing summer camp with my church called The Edge. It was a week full of fun games, competitions, skits, and of course, worship. Every year there would a guy leading worship named Wayne Kerr, think 40 year old man with over processed hair trying to connect with middle schoolers. Despite his hair, everyone loved him. Anyways, he always played this one song that I absolutely loved and for some reason it was stuck in my head last night and it got me thinking. 

The song that was stuck in my head was "My Prayer for You" by Wayne Kerr (I couldn't find the video on Youtube, but here's the lyrics). A little bit of the chorus goes like this: 

"That you could have joy like you've never known

Peace, and a happy home

Time to be all alone

This is my prayer, my prayer for you."

These are all sweet blessings to be wished upon someone which got me thinking, how to I pray for other people? Do I pray for them at all? Now, if someone is sick or hurting, of course I pray for healing for them. But what about for a regular person for no reason? Nope, not normally. That's sad. 

Not only do I not normally pray for other people, when I do, it's not always good. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't sit here actually praying to God that someone would get hurt or that something bad would happen to them. But, I do think and wish it sometimes, and God knows all of our thoughts, so it's basically the same thing. God calls us to pray for even our enemies hearts. Immediately, this makes me think of a country song by Jaron and The Long Road to Love called "Pray For You." (Here's a link to the song) The song is about how the preacher told him that he needed to pray for those who have wronged him and this is his prayer;

"I pray your brakes go out running down a hill

I pray a flowerpot falls from the window sill and knocks you in the head like I'd like to

I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls

I pray your flying high when your engine stalls 

I pray all your dreams never come true

Just know wherever you are honey, I'm praying for you."

Okay, so that may be a little extreme, but this is more like what my prayers for other people are sounding like, and I would be willing bet big money that I am not the only one. 

Whenever we are wronged by someone, we like to think that "karma" will get them back. Well, hate to break it to you, but there is no such thing as karma. Most of us know that, but we don't like the idea that we are praying for something bad to happen to someone, so we chalk it up to karma. OR we like to thing that God will spite them for what they have done. We don't like to think about how God is a forgiving God at the time, or how many times He has forgiven us when we have wronged others. Simply put, we are selfish people, which is no surprise. We don't like to be the bigger person. 

I'm challenging myself to pray more for people, for no absolute reason. Not the spiteful prayer, but more of a prayer like Wayne Kerr's. I'm also going to pray that God will work with me and mature my heart, so that I can pray honestly wanting good for those who have wronged me. I know it's not going to be a fast change, but nothing ever is. I also want to challenge you to look at your prayers, wishes, and thoughts and think about if you would want someone praying for those things about you. It can change your mind if you turn the tables your direction. 

I Am A Clemson Tiger. I Am A Christian.

I would love to say that I am a person who could just let things roll off my back, that I am not the type of person that is a fighter, that I am calm, cool, and collected in all situtions, butttttt being realistic, I am just not that person. Never have been, more than likely, never will be. When something rubs me the wrong way, you will know... trust me! Plus, I've never been good at keeping my mouth shut. 

This week something has just TICKED ME OFF! Never in a million years did I think that I was ever going to be tested for my faith, not in America. I live in the South, I grew up in a Christian home, most of my friends either believe the same as me or accepts it. But we have come to a cross road. And I could not be more proud to go to Clemson University where Dabo Swinney and the rest of the coaches care more about a player's heart than they do about their career.

THERE! I said it! Hate me if you want! But what the heck has this world come to if our coach is getting persecuted for investing his time and life into these players not just on the field but in their lives? Please tell me everyone else is finding this just as ridiculous as I am! 

Let me just say one thing about this "Freedom From Religion Foundation".... they are proclaimed atheists basically trying to make sure that nobody is getting bullied into religion... okay... fine. I don't want people getting bullied into any religion either. BUT you can't get bullied into Christianity because it is not a religion, it is a relationship with God! PLUS Dabo is no bully! Yes, Dabo is a proclaimed Christian and YES he organizes bible studies and baptisms for our football boys, BUT it is all optional. Whenever Dabo does any of this, he does this on his OWN time and his OWN money. Whether or not the boys go or participate does not effect their scholarship or playing time. Dabo is professional, but above that, he is a FANTASTIC coach. Yes, he is going to play the atheist player over the christian player if the atheist player deserves it. 

It is so sad that we now live in a world that coaches are going to have to think twice before they care for the football players. It is so sad that we have to tip toe around people's religion because nobody is accepting anymore. It is so sad how corrupted and empty this world has become.  

This whole organization is making me question the true meaning of "freedom." Maybe Dabo is investing more into these boys than other coaches would, but while he has the championship in mind, he has a bigger goal for the end. 

SO, I am proud to be a Clemson Tiger. I am proud to sing Tiger Rag every Saturday in the fall. I am proud to support Dabo and EVERYTHING he does for those boys. I am proud to go to school where people are proud of who they are. But above all else, I AM PROUD TO BE A CHRISTIAN. 

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Here's a quote for a representative of the FFRF that sets me off a little:

"What we'd like to see is the end of this chaplaincy position and end to Bible distributions by coaches, an end to devotionals scheduled and put on by coaches and staff. The coaches need to step back and just coach (football) and not coach in religious matters."

THIS PISSES ME OFF

If you just have no idea what I am talking about, here's a link to article about the whole situation! I would really like to throw in a few choice worlds about this foundation.... but I'm trying to be Christ-like here!! ;)

A Blog of Birthdays

Soooo I have some catching up to do.. within a little over a month's span, four of my closest friends have birthdays. Let me introduce them to you!

Sydney: This crazy girl turned 20 on March 12. She is always down for a good time and knows how to have one. One thing that I absolutely love about her is that she can stand up for herself. She doesn't need anyone to protect her and she will tell you exactly how it is! Haha my favorite memory with her is of her slapping the crap out of a guy for saying that she belong to her boyfriend, LOVE IT! Happy belated (like a month later) birthday Syd! Finish the heart! 

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Spring Break 2013

Spring 2014

Apsley: This southern gal turned 20 on March 30. I have had the pleasure of seeing this girl transform to who she really is in college. I may have had a hand in corrupting her, but no harm, no foul right? haha I know I can always count on this girl if I need a swing dancing/shag partner or if I need to borrow something from her wardrobe haha. Happy belated birthday Appy! :)

Valentines 2013

Mardi Gras 2013

Her birthday 2013/Carolina Cup

Christina: The baby of our little clan! (I'm sure she loves being called the baby!) This spit fire turns 19 TOMORROW, April 16! You can always count on this girl to do the craziest thing out there! Like for example, dye her hair whatever color she wants, or get a tattoo on a whim (I may have had some thing to do with that.... shhhh)! Whatever she does though, she always puts her friends first and I have never EVER heard her complain! Happy birthday Chrissie! :)

Way early freshman year

Halloween 2012

Mardi Gras 2013

Sarah: This beauty of a best friend turns 20 in about a week, April 21! Y'all have heard me talk about this girl a ton! I don't think I have ever met someone who loves Dallas or London more! She is always there for me, even if she's 4,000 miles away! She never fails to make me feel better and always is available for the best advice! My world would not be the same without her! Happy early birthday little nugget! 

Fiesta 2013

Blowout 2013

Some fancy party 2013 ;)

I love all of you so very much and look forward to future adventures; in Clemson, Dallas, or even London! I can't wait to see most of you this weekend! (Sarah, we need a skype date soon!)