Praying For You

When I was in middle school, I went to this amazing summer camp with my church called The Edge. It was a week full of fun games, competitions, skits, and of course, worship. Every year there would a guy leading worship named Wayne Kerr, think 40 year old man with over processed hair trying to connect with middle schoolers. Despite his hair, everyone loved him. Anyways, he always played this one song that I absolutely loved and for some reason it was stuck in my head last night and it got me thinking. 

The song that was stuck in my head was "My Prayer for You" by Wayne Kerr (I couldn't find the video on Youtube, but here's the lyrics). A little bit of the chorus goes like this: 

"That you could have joy like you've never known

Peace, and a happy home

Time to be all alone

This is my prayer, my prayer for you."

These are all sweet blessings to be wished upon someone which got me thinking, how to I pray for other people? Do I pray for them at all? Now, if someone is sick or hurting, of course I pray for healing for them. But what about for a regular person for no reason? Nope, not normally. That's sad. 

Not only do I not normally pray for other people, when I do, it's not always good. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't sit here actually praying to God that someone would get hurt or that something bad would happen to them. But, I do think and wish it sometimes, and God knows all of our thoughts, so it's basically the same thing. God calls us to pray for even our enemies hearts. Immediately, this makes me think of a country song by Jaron and The Long Road to Love called "Pray For You." (Here's a link to the song) The song is about how the preacher told him that he needed to pray for those who have wronged him and this is his prayer;

"I pray your brakes go out running down a hill

I pray a flowerpot falls from the window sill and knocks you in the head like I'd like to

I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls

I pray your flying high when your engine stalls 

I pray all your dreams never come true

Just know wherever you are honey, I'm praying for you."

Okay, so that may be a little extreme, but this is more like what my prayers for other people are sounding like, and I would be willing bet big money that I am not the only one. 

Whenever we are wronged by someone, we like to think that "karma" will get them back. Well, hate to break it to you, but there is no such thing as karma. Most of us know that, but we don't like the idea that we are praying for something bad to happen to someone, so we chalk it up to karma. OR we like to thing that God will spite them for what they have done. We don't like to think about how God is a forgiving God at the time, or how many times He has forgiven us when we have wronged others. Simply put, we are selfish people, which is no surprise. We don't like to be the bigger person. 

I'm challenging myself to pray more for people, for no absolute reason. Not the spiteful prayer, but more of a prayer like Wayne Kerr's. I'm also going to pray that God will work with me and mature my heart, so that I can pray honestly wanting good for those who have wronged me. I know it's not going to be a fast change, but nothing ever is. I also want to challenge you to look at your prayers, wishes, and thoughts and think about if you would want someone praying for those things about you. It can change your mind if you turn the tables your direction. 

I Am A Clemson Tiger. I Am A Christian.

I would love to say that I am a person who could just let things roll off my back, that I am not the type of person that is a fighter, that I am calm, cool, and collected in all situtions, butttttt being realistic, I am just not that person. Never have been, more than likely, never will be. When something rubs me the wrong way, you will know... trust me! Plus, I've never been good at keeping my mouth shut. 

This week something has just TICKED ME OFF! Never in a million years did I think that I was ever going to be tested for my faith, not in America. I live in the South, I grew up in a Christian home, most of my friends either believe the same as me or accepts it. But we have come to a cross road. And I could not be more proud to go to Clemson University where Dabo Swinney and the rest of the coaches care more about a player's heart than they do about their career.

THERE! I said it! Hate me if you want! But what the heck has this world come to if our coach is getting persecuted for investing his time and life into these players not just on the field but in their lives? Please tell me everyone else is finding this just as ridiculous as I am! 

Let me just say one thing about this "Freedom From Religion Foundation".... they are proclaimed atheists basically trying to make sure that nobody is getting bullied into religion... okay... fine. I don't want people getting bullied into any religion either. BUT you can't get bullied into Christianity because it is not a religion, it is a relationship with God! PLUS Dabo is no bully! Yes, Dabo is a proclaimed Christian and YES he organizes bible studies and baptisms for our football boys, BUT it is all optional. Whenever Dabo does any of this, he does this on his OWN time and his OWN money. Whether or not the boys go or participate does not effect their scholarship or playing time. Dabo is professional, but above that, he is a FANTASTIC coach. Yes, he is going to play the atheist player over the christian player if the atheist player deserves it. 

It is so sad that we now live in a world that coaches are going to have to think twice before they care for the football players. It is so sad that we have to tip toe around people's religion because nobody is accepting anymore. It is so sad how corrupted and empty this world has become.  

This whole organization is making me question the true meaning of "freedom." Maybe Dabo is investing more into these boys than other coaches would, but while he has the championship in mind, he has a bigger goal for the end. 

SO, I am proud to be a Clemson Tiger. I am proud to sing Tiger Rag every Saturday in the fall. I am proud to support Dabo and EVERYTHING he does for those boys. I am proud to go to school where people are proud of who they are. But above all else, I AM PROUD TO BE A CHRISTIAN. 

via

Here's a quote for a representative of the FFRF that sets me off a little:

"What we'd like to see is the end of this chaplaincy position and end to Bible distributions by coaches, an end to devotionals scheduled and put on by coaches and staff. The coaches need to step back and just coach (football) and not coach in religious matters."

THIS PISSES ME OFF

If you just have no idea what I am talking about, here's a link to article about the whole situation! I would really like to throw in a few choice worlds about this foundation.... but I'm trying to be Christ-like here!! ;)

Teach Me How To Rest

"Jesus, I am resting, resting in the joy of what Thou art. I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart." If you grew up going to church, you probably sung this song about a million times, but did you ever stop to think about what it really meant? Cause I sure never did. Until last weekend.

This past weekend, my sister and I, and about 30 other women from her church, headed down to Edisto Island for their yearly women's retreat. I was a little nervous about the trip, I only knew a handle of the girls, but I was excited to meet more people and see what God had for me in store. The theme of the weekend was "Yes, and I will rejoice." We were focusing on being joyful in times of sorrow.... well, if that wasn't perfect for me, then I don't know what is. 

I had a fantastic weekend! We had great speakers who really spoke from their heart. It made me realize that it's okay to be sad, but I should find the joy in those sad times. God does not promise that our lives are going to be perfect and that we are always going to have to super easy, but He does promise to be with us. That, right there, is enough reason to be joyful. But not only were the talks great, social time was so awesome! I met so many sweet women and loved being able to relax, drinking coffee, and talk while looking over the ocean. 

On Sunday morning, we spent some time worshipping and praying together. We sang "Jesus, I am resting" and for some reason, this time, it stuck with me. I could not get it out of my head and I couldn't stop thinking about what it meant to be resting in Jesus....

For quite some time now, I had been struggle with what God was calling me to do with my life. I was so ready for His plan to match with my life. I kept saying, "God, just show me. Show me and I'll do it." But the truth is, I was not ready to change. I was not ready to be uncomfortable. And what it took me a while to realize was that

God isn't molding His plan to fit our lives. He's molding our lives to fit His plan.

Well... that's harder. To truly rest in God, we have to give him full control. And we have to be completely willing to change our lives, even if that means we are uncomfortable. Ultimately, we are having to trust in the Lord, which is always easier said that done. 

Another misconception about resting in God is that this means that life will slow down. We think that our relationship with the Lord will come easy if we are resting. After all, resting is suppose to calming, relaxing, and even sleeping (my personal favorite), but when God talks about resting, He's not talking about those things. We are still going to have to work on our relationship, everything is not going to come easy. But our hearts will be at rest. We will trust that the Lord is there and working in us. We will be resting in the truth that we are not alone. 

We are not alone.... That is comforting. Knowing that what ever hardship we are going through, we can rest in the knowledge that we are never alone. I don't know about you, but that calms me.

Don't be afraid of the unknown. Because God knows. 

Don't be afraid of being alone. Because you never are alone.

Don't be afraid of what's to come. Because God has a plan.

REST, rest in the great arms of Jesus. 

^I know, I know, super corny, but it's so true.^ 

My Story Matters

One thing that I have always battled with is my story.

Growing up in christian family, going to church every Sunday, and being involved with youth group all my life, we are told story after story about how magnificent God's work is and how He can take the "worst people" and make them the "best christians." We are shown time and time again how God can pick anyone up out of the worst neighborhoods or the most dangerous countries and turn their lives around. What's not as common is being told someone's story that we could even possibly relate to.

Don't get me wrong, I love hearing about how God works and how He can take the hardest hearts and soften them. And while that can be encouraging, it's hard to relate to. I was born into a christian family full of love. I went to church since before I can remember. I could rattle off the books of the bible at a very young age. I had christians all around me, supporting and loving me. I said my little prayer to God by age five. There was always food on the table and a warm place to lie my head at night. Even though I've had my times (still do) where I doubt God and everything He gives us, I still know that I am a daughter of the most wonderful Father. Because of all this, I truly believed that my story was not important. 

After all, I didn't go through this horrific journey to get to God. I didn't find Him through tragedy in my life. As far back as I can remember, He was always there. My story was simple, it was basic, and I was certain that it was anything but inspirational. 

God has shown me recently that I am very wrong (shocking, I know). People need to hear my story. They need to hear your story, too! Yes, I may have been born into a blessed life, but that doesn't mean that God's not working just as much in my life as He was Saul's.

We all go through struggles with God. If you think you haven't, I would highly suggest analyzing your relationship with Him and making sure that it is real. Real relationships have real struggles. 

Your struggles could be big or little, but if even one person can relate to them, your story matters. 

If even one person is comforted by the fact that they are not the only one going through whatever, your story matters.

God has shown me recently that it's not how many people your story can touch. One person affected because of your openness to share your journey with or to God makes it all worth it.

I beg you to remember, your story matters. 

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Sorry for taking so long to post again.... Life took over!

Over the past week, I've been running around nonstop and this is the first time I feel like I've been able to just breathe.... 

Last week, I spent a few days during the work week in Clemson interviewing potential interns, which was weird! But the trip itself was a nice break from the normal work week and I learned a lot about future interviews I'll have to have. 

My mom came up for a couple of day this weekend and it was great to spend time with her and not do much of anything.

And now it's Monday. I was very late for work. It's been raining all day. Traffic was hell this morning because of the three different wrecks I passed. But hey, at least I remembered to wear green today! Happy St. Patty's Day!

The past couple of days, I feel like I've been knocked back instead of my forward pursuit of joy.

UGH! How frustrating it is! Why do I do this to myself? I think WAYYY too much. And I don't think it's helping that everyone's on spring break and I'm stuck at the office.

Lately, I feel like no matter how hard I try to move past this, life knocks me back down again. I keep trying to push on and defeat this demon, but I just can't.

This afternoon I got the most beautiful advice. It wasn't telling me to push forward, it wasn't telling me to get back on my horse, it wasn't anything like that.... It was this: 

"I’d just encourage you to keep sitting with that struggle…look it in the face and see what’s underneath it and what it’s trying to tell you, what God may have tucked away inside. Sometimes that takes forever to finally discover…but when we hold out and finally do, it’s just the most beautiful thing."

Thank you again and again and again for this advice. I am determined to figure out what God is trying to tell me and what He has planned for me. 

I'm trying to prepare myself for the fact that His plan may not be anything close to what mine is. I know that He knows best.. I KNOW that... but sometimes it's hard to TRUST in that. 

I've spent many nights crying out to God, begging Him to show me what his plan is, but now it's His turn to talk and my turn to listen. I'm great at talking to Him, not so fantastic at waiting for His answer or listening to Him. 

I may not get His answer right away, but that's alright. After all, everything is in His timing, right? And it may not be exactly what I want to hear, but I'm not God, am I? 

So, if I happen to come across your mind this week, please pray for me. Pray I will continue to seek God's help, but also pray I would shut up and listen to what He has to say. Pray that whatever His answer is, I will find peace in and know that He knows best. Pray that I will be able to look my demon straight in the face and find what God has tucked inside. 

I Choose Joy

Lately I've been in a pretty dark place. I've been upset and mad at almost everyone I came in contact with. I've felt alone and betrayed. I'm away from school, away from my boyfriend. My best friend moved to London and it's more than likely a permanent move. I feel like I've lost almost all my friends, or at least found out which ones are true. My family is being tossed around like a roller coaster and I just don't know how much more I can take of it. 

I'm ready for normal again (whatever the hell that is). I so badly want these things to be like how they were a year ago. I long for the "good times" back to when my biggest concern of the week was what I was going to wear Friday night. I'm tired of feeling alone and heartbroken. 

BUT, it was okay that I needed time to be sad, I needed time to feel bad for myself, I needed time to cry. It was part of being true to myself, part of letting my real emotions show, and part of my coping process.

BUT, I'm done. I'm done feeling all alone in this big world, because the honest truth is, I'm not. I never was and I never will be. No matter how abandoned I feel at the moment, there is always the One who never leaves me. Man oh man am I thankful for that. 

He has a plan for everything. He has a plan for my friendships. He has a plan for my relationships. He has a plan for my family. And alas, He has a plan for me. 

So no more sulking about the bad in my life, it's just means I need to fill it with good. No more crying over things I can control, it just means I need to give it up to God. 

I choose joy.

I choose to be happy with what He has provided me and excited for what He has planned.

I choose to find the best in all situations.

I choose to give thanks for all that I have.

I choose to stay positive, even when it seems impossible.

I CHOOSE JOY

P.S. Sorry for those who I've been "bleh" to, especially Matthew, he always seems to get the worst of it. But thank you for being patient with me. 

Who's Your "Papa"?

So, I've been reading "The Shack" by William Young and even though I've read it about a million times before, it never fails to teach me something new each time. For those of you who haven't read it, I highly recommend it. AND if you don't want me to spoil half the book, you might want to go ahead and stop reading now.

The book is about a father who loses his daughter to a murder and is left with what he calls "The Great Sadness." He begins to question the existence and the purpose of God. He questions his whole "relationship" with Him. One day, he receives a note saying, "It's been a while. I've miss you. I'll be at the shack next weekend if you want to get together. -Papa." To give a little background; the shack was were they found the last trace of his daughter and determined that she had been murdered and Papa is what his wife calls God. Mack (the father) is so mad and confused, doesn't know if the note is from God, the murderer, or someone playing a sick joke on him, but he doesn't wait to find out and heads for the shack. At the shack, Mack has an amazing opportunity to meet God and start a REAL relationship with Him. 

What do you think of when you picture God in your head? Most, if not all, would probably say that He looks similar to an old gray grandpa. Mack even compares Him to Gandalf from "Lord of the Rings." Well, Mack is rightly surprised to see God as a big black lady named Elousia. The rest of the book is spent with Mack trying to understand more on God and realizes that he really had no idea.

This book has taught me some many things that I often I thought I knew the answer to, so I'll share some with you!

We are so fast to limit God, to say that He can only be THIS way, or THAT way. In reality, God can be however or whoever He wants. He can be an old grandpa to us, He can be a big black woman, or He could be a short Asian man. We SAY He is all powerful but we don't truly believe it or act as if it were true. 

We tend to blame God when something bad has happened to us. We cry out asking why He would let it happen to us. We often to think that God created bad as well as all the good, but that's not true. Bad is just simply the absence of good and ultimately, the absence of God. We choose to be apart from God and bad things happen.

We want God to fit into this perfect mold of forgiveness and this perfect mold of a stern God (only when we want revenge) and this perfect mold of whatever the hell we want. But WE ARE NOT GOD! We cannot make Him be whatever we "need" at that brief moment in our lives. 

Papa isn't always Gandalf, and He isn't always Elousia. Papa is who we need, not who we want.

Who do you make your "Papa" to be?