I have decided that it is completely okay and healthy to cry. Like all the time. For those of you who know me pretty well, you know that I cry at pretty much a drop of a pen. Oh, and if someone else starts crying, forget about it, I am done for. I think the worst is when I over think a situation in my head and compose this ridiculous scenario so that when I start crying, I can't even explain to anyone why I am. *Sigh* BUT, I have decide it's alright to cry.
There are many different types of crying; sad tears, happy tears, angry tears, confused tears, and the list goes on and on. It's hard to tell the difference between the tears sometimes, but a lot of the times, it's just healthy to let them out.
For some reason, crying has been deemed "weak" by society and I just don't agree with that. I feel like crying shows you have passion for something. If you're not passionate about anything, you have nothing to cry about. If you don't have any love, you have nothing to cry about. Why is everyone told "don't cry?" Why is nobody told to "just let it all out" anymore? I feel like everyone thinks that they have to be strong, can't show their weaknesses to anyone anymore, which is just sad. I understand that there is a time and a place to cry (apparently work isn't one of them- oops!), but why is everyone so afraid to cry these days?
This weekend took a toll on my family. As we said goodbye to our two sweet little girls, we were promised "see you later." While that was extremely encouraging, it did not stop the flood works. As my sister and I had make-up streaming down our faces, my brother-in-law prayed for the girls and their hearts. Once we were done, my sweet nephew asked why we were so sad, well here comes the tears again! My sister tried to explain to him that we loved the girls and didn't want to say goodbye to them. I had to sit there for a second and really think about why I was crying. I always knew this day would come where I would have to say goodbye.... why is this so upsetting to me? I came to the conclusion that it was because I loved these girls from the bottom of my heart. My heart was truly being broken by saying goodbye to them, but like all broken hearts, mine will heal with time. BUT in the mean time, it's okay to cry about it. I miss the girls dearly already and it's alright to show that emotion.
Another time where you will always find me crying is weddings. Out of my five other siblings, four of them are already married. And I cried at three of their weddings. (DISCLAIMER: the only reason I didn't cry at the fourth one is because it was a small, five minute ceremony in my parents living room with only family and closest friends) These were 100% tears of joy and nothing less. Watching my siblings find the people that make them happiest in the world and committing the rest of their lives to each other brings me pure joy. Some of them only knowing their now spouse for a few months at the time and some being together for years, I cry at just the thought of how happy they make each other. Now for those of you that don't know, I am a hopeless romantic. Now let's not get this confused, I, myself, am not romantic in my relationships, I like lounging around in sweats and just being with each other. BUT I love watching people fall head over heels in love with each other, even if it's just in movies. I blame my mom for this one. She has been a wedding director since before I was born and I have been her assistant since about middle school and I love every minute of it. I would WAY rather be in the background of a wedding than sitting in the ceremony. My mom and I get to hear the last words a father says to his daughter before he walks her down the isle and we have to perfect view of a groom the first moments that he sees his bride. AND without fail, my mom is in tears almost every time those church doors open and the bridal processional begins. So, mom, it's all your fault that I'm a wedding crier.
Crying helps me process my emotions. It helps me to take a few minutes to understand what I'm really feeling at that moment in time. It helps me work out my frustrations and gather my feelings before I explode. If I had to hold it in every time I needed to cry, I would end up exploding at the first person who crossed my path slightly out of step, which would not be good! So, next time you see someone crying, don't assume that they are weak. They have to be strong enough to let themselves cry, let their emotions out and frankly, not take it out on you.
So CRY! Be okay with crying when you need to cry. Don't feel as if you need to hide that fact that you are crying. These are your emotions, passions, and your heart coming out! It's okay to let them show! You are not weak because of these things, but you are human!
I wrote this a while back because I had a few things on my mind. I sent it to a friend cause I figured someone should read it. But why not more people? Maybe y'all need to hear it too!
So many people these days are so unsatisfied with how their lives are simply because they aren't doing what society expects them to do or it's not coming out how they thought it should. What I've come to realize is that everyone is different, they have different goals, grow up differently, and end up differently, so why do we think it's okay to determine what other people should do with their lives. I had a roommate once who told me that her sister was so upset that she joined a sorority simply because her sister didn't see her doing that when she was planning out her life. I could not believe this! I thought, "Why in the world would her sister care what she did?!?" It's all about expectations.
One situation that totally drives me insane is everyone's crazy expectations of college. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE college! I love almost everything about it! But what I don't understand is how people go through life saying that they will be the best four years (give or take a few depending on your motivation ;) ) of your life. For me, so far, yes they have been the best years! I have made some friends that I believe will be friends for a life time, I have had experience that I would never had if I hadn't gone to Clemson, I met my amazing and sweet boyfriend who has completely changed my view on how relationships work, BUT I have had awful times as well. I have had horrific roommate experiences, friends betray me, drama like you won't believe, and those mornings when I wake up wondering if I made the right decision. But when people refer to college as the "glory days" I can't help but think "Is this it?" Sure it's fun for now, but I (hopefully) have my whole life to look forward to. I don't want the best days of my life to be frat parties and all nighters. I look forward to the days ahead of me. I enjoy college now, and I will probably cry when it's over, but I want more for my life and it's okay!
For those of you would don't know, I am a daughter of the amazing Lord and Savior. I believe that He has an amazing plan for my life and has known exactly who I am, and who I will be before I was even born. Even though I am close with the Lord, I am not going to sit here and lie to you saying that it has always been this way. There were days that I thought I was strong and that I was doing everything that I was suppose to, when I was simply just doing a check list. Wake up and do my devotions? Check! Pray before every meal? Check! Give a daily encouraging bible verse to a friend? Check! Don't cuss all day? Check! Pray before I go to bed? Check! WOW I was such a great Christian! Boy was I mistaken about what it truly meant to be that word that I used so freely! There were days when I didn't know what it meant to have a relationship with God, and it's okay!
Now there were other times when I simply did not want to anything to do with this so called Savior! He was in my way of having a grand ole time! Sure I still claimed to be a christian, I would even go to church and youth group, but my heart was definitely not in it. I hung out with friends who led me down paths that only drew me further from Him. I said things and acted ways that I would be embarrassed if people knew about now. I did not represent Christ well and I was definitely not walking with the Lord. Even though I had my days/months that I strayed from God, I was still His daughter and He still loved me when I came crawling back to Him, shameful as ever! I went down a dark path but came back to Him, and it's okay!
Something that I had struggled with my whole life is who I am. In high school, I was who ever my friends wanted me to be. I changed so much that not even I knew who I really was and this was simply to get the approval of those around me. When I met my best friend in college, all of that changed. Sarah's a different kind of girl, in the best way! She is who she is and if you don't enjoy it, well your loss! She has helped me find out who I am over the past year and taught me that it's okay to be who I am, even if it's different than the people around me. People will surprise you, they want to get to know the real you and if you are yourself, the people that are meant to be around you will love you for it! Sarah has taught me to be myself in every situation and it's okay!
One thing that I really have struggled with the past few months is that everyone's path in life is not the same as yours. Halfway through the semester, Sarah sat me down and told me that she was studying abroad in the spring in London and that she would be leaving me in December. This was not an easy thing to hear! I had just gone a whole summer without seeing my best friend and now it would be even longer till I saw her again! But I made that decision to do an Internship the same time she was going to London to make that pain ease a little. This was not the worst of it. A few weeks later, Sarah sat me down again and told me, with tears in her eyes, that she would not be returning to Clemson the next fall. She was transferring. My heart was SHATTERED! I didn't know what to do! My best friend, the girl who made me who I am today, my rock, my roommate was leaving. Not just for a semester, not just for a summer, but for good. WOW. After a tearful night, and a few more, Sarah got to tell me why she had made this decision. She had been thinking of doing this for over a year, but originally decided against it after meeting me. Even though she said I was the reason she stayed at Clemson for as long as she did, I couldn't help but feel like it was all my fault. I hadn't done everything in my ability to make her happy enough to stay. It took me quite some time to realize that I couldn't have done anything. Clemson wasn't for her. Which I had a hard time believing since I am so in love with my school, but it was true. I am so thankful that our paths crossed for the time that it did because it is a friendship that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Sarah's path is different than mine, and it's okay!
Everyone is different. It's okay!
Life can be one hectic roller coaster. It can throw you curve balls and send you spinning in a different direction. It's okay!
People handle situations differently. It's okay!
People will want different things in life. It's okay!
God only knows what's in store for our future. But after all, it's okay!
