Now Is The Time

So I was driving home from work yesterday and I was talking to Matt on the phone (which is apparently a no-no in Charlotte... oops). We were planning out our next couple of weeks/weekends and figuring out when we were gonna see each other and who is gonna visit who when and all that good stuff when I realized, we have a busy schedule coming up!

While a packed schedule overwhelms a lot of people, it gets me really excited! I love having something to look forward to at the end of a long, hard week. For example, Matt is coming up to Charlotte this weekend, woooohoooo! AND I get the opportunity to go down to Clemson next week for a special graphics major day where I'll get to be on the other side of the interviewing process! And then in two weekends, Matt and I are meeting his parents in Raleigh for the NCAA tournament. (GO DUKE) And the next weekend, I'm headed to Edisto Island for a church women's retreat! I AM SO EXCITED! It's like four of my favorite things; Matt, Clemson, basketball, and the beach! 

Planning all of these fun adventures things or even just a chill weekend with Matt gives me something to look forward to when I'm sitting in my office cubicle, trying to convince myself that I don't have too much longer till 5pm, and that it's impossible to actually die of boredom (sometimes I believe myself, sometimes I don't). And I love being able to tell my coworkers at lunch that I have a big, exciting weekend planned. After all, I want them to know I have an extremely exciting life outside of work (HA yeah right). But while looking forward to all these things are great, I still need to remember my life in the present.

I am so quick jump forward to my future life; whether it's a weekend at the beach or when I'm married with kids. I always talk about how I'm so excited for the next phase of my life (I think that's cause I've always been the youngest). I love thinking about graduating college and getting a real job. OH, and don't even get me started on getting married (my Pinterest has my wedding planned out) and having kids. And while that's fine and dandy, I have a life right now. And I am living a pretty great one too! I go to the world's best college (maybe I'm a little bias). I actually enjoy doing my major every single day. I have this amazing opportunity to work with a company who is one of the world's leading design and printing company. I get a chance to live with my sister for the first time in over 10 years, which means I get to see my ADORABLE nephews every day. And even more than that, I get to meet my sister in a new way than I have before. I also get to spend tons of free time with friends and my boyfriend. I have all the freedom of being on my own with none of the responsibility. My life now is great!

SO, moral of the story is, I need to remember that while the future can be fun and exciting, I need to remember to be present in the now. Oh, I am just the worst at putting things off. I'll reconnect with that person when I need them in my life. I'll apologize to this person when they apologize to me. I'll pray more when I have more time. I'll become a member of my own church when I know I will be there for a while. "I'll do BLANK, when BLANK." I feel like that's all I say now. But the truth of it is, I don't have time. My life is today, this minute, right NOW.

If I'm not careful, this time in my life will slip away, never to be seen again. And if I'm not careful, I'm gonna miss out on the small, wonderful parts of my life that are going on all around me. When am I ever going to experience NOW again?!? (just in case you were wondering, the answer is never) I need to be present in my relationships NOW, not what it will be in the future. I need to be present in the Word NOW, not when I decide I have time for it or it's more convenient. I need to make the most of what I have NOW, not when I have just a little bit more. I need to be a great listener NOW. I need to be excited over the small things NOW. I need to love with all I have NOW. I need to live my life NOW.

After all, there's no other time like now! 

Home is.... Where?

I'm ready to be home.

I'm sure this doesn't surprise many people. Everyone is ready to go home after a long day at school or work. After all, I'm such a home-body. Sure I like to be social, (like once a week haha) but my happy place is curled up on the couch, watching Netflix. But the past couple of years, I haven't felt at home. 

Before moving to Clemson, my biggest move was across the house. I had lived in the same house for 18 years and now I was about to pack it all up and move into a tiny room with a girl I barely knew. My dorm never really felt like home, I always felt as if it were just temporary housing because I knew I was moving out at the end of the year. Then I spent the summer back at my parent's house where I had spent my whole life and I was now living out of boxes. After that, I moved into my apartment with my best friend and I was sure that was going to be my home, at least for a while. But by end of September, we knew we would be leaving in December. I spent a month back my parents and then moved up to Charlotte. Now, after not even two months, I'm moving AGAIN. It's only across town to my sister's house, but still. Even though all of these places I've called "home" for an amount of time, they haven't been mine. It was my parent's house, Clemson's dorm, my sister's house, etc. I am so ready for a place that I can call mine. 

I know that this is just the stage of life that I'm in and that home is not a place but a feeling, but I can't help but feel that everything is temporary. I'm ready for the next stage. I'm ready to have my own home. I'm ready to decorate it how I want and do what I want in it. I'm ready to have the comfort that I am going to be there for a while. It's hard when most of my siblings are already at this stage and I know that it's going to be at least a couple more years till I get there, but I'm ready.

Some people would be so excited to not be tied down and to be able to, really, up and move or make a dramatic change whenever you want, but I've never been that way. I've been the type of person who isn't huge on change. I can handle it, but I would prefer things to stay the same. I have always loved commitment and having a routine. The adventure of college and my internship is all still so new to me, and while I'm enjoying the ride, I'm ready to have a permanent. 

One thing that I find comfortable in is that I can always have a home in the Word. No matter where my physical body is living, my spiritual one is in the same place. God doesn't make me move anywhere, He wants me right there beside Him. He's my norm, my happy place, my routine in the midst of life's chaotic events.

While I am still determining my earthly home, I am so thankful for the certainty of my eternal home. I am a planner and I hate surprises. I like to know things, every thing if I could! I like to mentally, and sometimes physically, prepare myself for what's ahead. Not knowing what a new school, a new job, a new roommate, or a new situation is going to be like gives me anxiety just thinking about it. So, the fact that people can go through life without knowing where they are going to spend eternity just baffles me! 

Not only do I know where I will be, I know how AMAZING it will be. It's not some tiny little dorm room or a crappy little apartment where the drain never works, it is magnificent and beautiful. But most of all, it is with the most loving and gracious God. 

Don't be discouraged if you don't know where you belong here on earth, cause the truth of the matter is, you don't! You belong in heaven with the Almighty One! 

Cry Your Heart Out

I have decided that it is completely okay and healthy to cry. Like all the time. For those of you who know me pretty well, you know that I cry at pretty much a drop of a pen. Oh, and if someone else starts crying, forget about it, I am done for. I think the worst is when I over think a situation in my head and compose this ridiculous scenario so that when I start crying, I can't even explain to anyone why I am. *Sigh* BUT, I have decide it's alright to cry. 

There are many different types of crying; sad tears, happy tears, angry tears, confused tears, and the list goes on and on. It's hard to tell the difference between the tears sometimes, but a lot of the times, it's just healthy to let them out. 

For some reason, crying has been deemed "weak" by society and I just don't agree with that. I feel like crying shows you have passion for something. If you're not passionate about anything, you have nothing to cry about. If you don't have any love, you have nothing to cry about. Why is everyone told "don't cry?" Why is nobody told to "just let it all out" anymore? I feel like everyone thinks that they have to be strong, can't show their weaknesses to anyone anymore, which is just sad. I understand that there is a time and a place to cry (apparently work isn't one of them- oops!), but why is everyone so afraid to cry these days? 

This weekend took a toll on my family. As we said goodbye to our two sweet little girls, we were promised "see you later." While that was extremely encouraging, it did not stop the flood works. As my sister and I had make-up streaming down our faces, my brother-in-law prayed for the girls and their hearts. Once we were done, my sweet nephew asked why we were so sad, well here comes the tears again! My sister tried to explain to him that we loved the girls and didn't want to say goodbye to them. I had to sit there for a second and really think about why I was crying. I always knew this day would come where I would have to say goodbye.... why is this so upsetting to me? I came to the conclusion that it was because I loved these girls from the bottom of my heart. My heart was truly being broken by saying goodbye to them, but like all broken hearts, mine will heal with time. BUT in the mean time, it's okay to cry about it. I miss the girls dearly already and it's alright to show that emotion. 

Another time where you will always find me crying is weddings. Out of my five other siblings, four of them are already married. And I cried at three of their weddings. (DISCLAIMER: the only reason I didn't cry at the fourth one is because it was a small, five minute ceremony in my parents living room with only family and closest friends) These were 100% tears of joy and nothing less. Watching my siblings find the people that make them happiest in the world and committing the rest of their lives to each other brings me pure joy. Some of them only knowing their now spouse for a few months at the time and some being together for years, I cry at just the thought of how happy they make each other. Now for those of you that don't know, I am a hopeless romantic. Now let's not get this confused, I, myself, am not romantic in my relationships, I like lounging around in sweats and just being with each other. BUT I love watching people fall head over heels in love with each other, even if it's just in movies. I blame my mom for this one. She has been a wedding director since before I was born and I have been her assistant since about middle school and I love every minute of it. I would WAY rather be in the background of a wedding than sitting in the ceremony. My mom and I get to hear the last words a father says to his daughter before he walks her down the isle and we have to perfect view of a groom the first moments that he sees his bride. AND without fail, my mom is in tears almost every time those church doors open and the bridal processional begins. So, mom, it's all your fault that I'm a wedding crier. 

Crying helps me process my emotions. It helps me to take a few minutes to understand what I'm really feeling at that moment in time. It helps me work out my frustrations and gather my feelings before I explode. If I had to hold it in every time I needed to cry, I would end up exploding at the first person who crossed my path slightly out of step, which would not be good! So, next time you see someone crying, don't assume that they are weak. They have to be strong enough to let themselves cry, let their emotions out and frankly, not take it out on you. 

So CRY! Be okay with crying when you need to cry. Don't feel as if you need to hide that fact that you are crying. These are your emotions, passions, and your heart coming out! It's okay to let them show! You are not weak because of these things, but you are human! 

Life's Not Fair

Here's a phrase that I've only heard about a million times....

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Life's not always fair, but God is, even when we don't deserve it.

I'm sure you grew up complaining to your parents that "Johnny" down the street got to do something and it's not fair that you don't or that "Sue" got the new toy and you want it too and they would come back with the classic line of "Well sweetie, life's not fair" and if they're extra nice they'd add in a sweet "get over it." Man, I cannot tell you how many times that conversation sent me off in a cloud of rage! Everything should be fair! Everyone should be treated equally, we all should get the same opportunities and nobody should have more of an advantage in life than another. Well, that's certainly not how life works, but thankfully, that's how God works.

In Romans 10:13 God clearly states, "for, Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved" (NIV). Now this is what I'm talking about! He doesn't say "for the smart people who call" or "for the pretty people who call," He says "for EVERYONE who calls." God wants to have a relationship with everyone, not just the popular people or the successful people or the people who "need" Him more. He gives everyone a fair chance to be saved. 

So, no, it's not fair that your boss didn't give you that promotion you deserved. It's not fair that your friends aren't treating you right. It's not fair that you work your butt off to only get mediocre grades. It's not fair that your loved ones are sick. It's not fair that the "love of your life" broke your heart. But what's really not fair is that God gave up His perfect son to die for our sins. 

We all know that one bible verse we recited over and over again when we were younger, but probably not many of us really took a look a what it was saying. John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life" (NIV). Let's take a second to think about this. Think about if you were in this position. Think about your son, daughter, nephew, niece, that cute little kid you babysit, whoever. Now think if someone were to offer you a million dollars in exchange for them, would you do it? Absolutely not! Not even a million dollars could buy you the happiness that they have brought into your life. Now think about this question. Would you let them die in exchange for saving millions of people's lives? Who would ask such a question?!? That's so unfair, but that's what God did for us. 

So yeah, your life is unfair, but for a different reason. We constantly disobey God's commandments, yet He forgives us over and over again. We are constantly putting Him on the back burner of our lives, yet He is right there whenever we need Him. We treat Him like an extra in our life when He should be the headliner, yet He loves us the same. So if you want to talk about unfair, talk about how unfairly amazing God is to us, how unfairly generous, and unfairly loving He is. 

So let's think about how our lives would be different if God gave us what we truly deserved... YIKES! I can pretty much assure you that it would not be pretty. Nobody would be spending eternity in heaven with God, that's for sure. So take a moment and remember every day to be thankful that even though God is a fair God, He is also a merciful one. 

Does All Really Mean ALL?

I have come to an outstanding realization.... y'all ready?!?

I cannot do it.

Simple as that. There is no way, shape, or form that I am able to get through life on my own. Not that I didn't know this before, but I have realized that this has to do with EVERY aspect of my life. I can't get through school on my own, I can't get through work on my own, relationships, friendships, I can't do anything on my own. And this does not just apply to me! Hate to break it to you, but you cannot do it either. I know I know, you're probably the smartest, strongest, blah, blah, blah, sorry, NO! 

Alright, so since we all know that we cannot do it alone, why do we continue to try? Well, my theory is that we are all just too stubborn, or maybe that's just me. ;) Maybe we're prideful, it's like a man who won't ask for directions even though he is clearly lost. Or maybe we feel like we have something to prove. So many people have told us that we can't and by all means, we're gonna do it! Honestly, I hate to be the one to burst your bubble or shot your pride, but it cannot be done. 

So all this talk about how we can't, here's how we CAN get through life. The only way is to give it all, and I mean ALL, to the Lord our Savior. I know we teach our children that they can do anything that they set their minds to, but we should be teaching them Philippians 4:13; "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." It doesn't say, "I can do all things if I really try hard, or if I am determined." We have to have God with us in all areas of our lives. I have had trouble lately with that word "all." Sure, it's easy to give Him our church life, maybe even our family life, but when He wants our school life or our relationship life, YIKES! We try so hard to keep it separate, thinking "this has nothing to do with that," but that's just wrong. We serve a God that created all things good and you don't think He has anything to do with Clemson University? That's one of the greatest goods He created!! Obviously, I'm kidding, kinda, but you get my point. Every part of our life has to do with Him. He created everything, our purpose here on earth is to glorify Him, so how could we separate Him from other aspects of our lives? And why do we try?

What I believe we fail to remember is that God is a god of mercy and forgiveness. Yes, obviously, He hates when we sin, but He still loves us the same. Even though every aspect of our lives may not be perfect, He wants ALL of it; the good, the bad, and the ugly. I know, easier said than done. It's something that you're going to have to work on probably for the rest of your life, but it is worth it, I promise. God has promised us that He will cover up all of our sins, but how can He do that if we don't give them to Him? It sounds so easy, but every time something happens we tend to run and tell our best friends rather than God. Why do we do that? Some might say just cause of convenience, but that's just not true either. 

Praying is the most convenient thing ever! You can pray absolutely wherever you are, whenever, and honestly, you don't even have to close your eyes. So why don't we do it as often as we should? After all, God calls us to be in constant prayer with Him. One of the main things I struggle with about prayer is I feel like everything I say has to be planned and well thought out. I have always viewed prayer as very formal; you start with "Dear God" and end with "Amen," but it does not always have to be like that. We tell little kids to talk to God like you are talking to a friend, but I promise I don't talk my best friend with "Dear Sarah" and "Amen." And yes, of course there is a time and a place for formal prayer, but your daily life does not have to be it. 

Another thing I struggle with is what all I should pray about.... Here's a simple answer: EVERYTHING! There are the obvious prayer request like "help grandma get rid of her cancer" or "help me to become a nicer person," but God wants you to ask for even the little things. We so often think that God doesn't want anything to do with our little problems such as a fight with a friend or car problems, but He cares about every aspect of your life. Not only do we need to pray for help, we always need to pray and thank Him. Thank Him for the big things He has done like die for our sins and for the small things like letting us have a safe trip. Another thing we are called to pray about, which I think people (including myself) struggle with the most, is confession and forgiveness. There are so many things that we do during the day that dissatisfies God that by the time we lay our head down out night, a book could be written about it. I believe this one is the hardest because it is admitting that we are not perfect. Actually, we are far, far, far from it! Once again, God is a forgiving God, but we have to ask for forgiveness in order for it to be given to us. 

So how do you think your life would be different if you let God be apart of every aspect of it? Do you think you would become a happier person? I do. I think letting God into your deepest, darkest corners will allow your life to be lighter and brighter. You don't have to carry the burden of your sins, He's already done that for you on the cross. He already knows how horrible and messed up we are, but He loves us still. There are very few people in the world that I can say confidently that they would love me no matter what I did to them. We have done the worst thing possible to God and He showers us with love. That, right there, is a God that I want to in control of my life, EVERY part of my life. So to answers the question: YES, all really means all! 

So pray. Pray that I would be willing to give everything to Him. Pray that you would be able to do that same. Pray that we all would be comforted it the fact that even though we cannot, He can. 

A Bittersweet Goodbye

I don't care who you are, Goodbyes are never easy.

It's taken me a while to pull my thoughts and emotions together to write this down. 

Yesterday, my family received some heartbreaking news that my sister and her husband's foster girls, who have been with us since this summer, were going back to their grandma in just over a week. Wow, even typing it still makes me tear up. 

When I first heard the news yesterday, my immediate reaction was to go on defense. How in the world is the grandma getting the girls back? She had them taken away for a reason! She works two jobs and the youngest baby girl can't be in day care! How is she gonna handle that?!? They would have much better lives with our family! Then, I got sad. It's so soon. Only a week left with my baby girls?!? We won't get to celebrate their birthdays like we planned! Why would they do this with such little notice? We're losing two family members. But most of all, my heart ached for my sister and brother in law. 

Christina and Dan loved those girls so much and have changed their daily lives for them. They knew this day was coming, but not so soon. They have done so much for these girls and have truly affected their lives for the better. This coming up week will be hard. Full of preparations for the move and long, tearful goodbyes. I ask that throughout the week if you would just pray for all those involved to be at peace with this change and for Christina and Dan would have strength through this process. 

Even though I still have a week with them, I want to give the girls a proper goodbye. For the sake of their family's privacy, I'm gonna call them A and N.

Dear A,
You came into our lives and our hearts first. Hearing the news of your soon arrival was so exciting for the family. We were so ready to shower you with love and gifts. We were so excited to meet you. 
You were so tiny, coming home from the hospital at only four pounds, WAY smaller than this family is used to. We used to say you were so small you looked like a porcelain doll. But man how you have grown. 
You are SO beautiful. Those big brown eyes could make anyone melt! And what a great baby you are! You hardly cry and are so easy to manage. 
Probably my favorite time with you is after all the other kids go to bed, you know our attention is all towards you and man do you love it. Giggles and squeals of joy fill up the house and make everyone fall deeper in love with you. 
I am going to miss you so much A. I pray that you grow up knowing how much you were loved while you were with us, even though you will have no memory of it. But more importantly, I pray you grow up knowing how much you are loved by God. You are His sweet baby girl and he has a plan for you. I pray you grow up to be as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. And I pray that I will see you again, whether or not it's on this earth. 
Love,
ALWAYS your aunt,
Aunt Mer Mer

Dear N,
Never did I think I could love a little girl so much after only knowing her for a few short months. You captured my heart the moment I met you and never let it go. 
It's taking me a while to write your letter, simply because I have so much I want to say.
You are absolutely gorgeous. Your eyes are the biggest I've ever seen and they are oh so sweet. That smile of yours with your cute little gap between your front two teeth are simply adorable. Your silly giggle whenever we tickle you or chase you around the house could make anyone smile. 
It's been such a joy watching you grow and change so much even with your short time here. Being able to watch you learn to walk, and run for that matter, and learn new words almost every day are memories I wouldn't trade for the world! 
I'm going to miss everything about you pretty girl. I'm even going to miss those early morning I wake up with you and we just cuddle. I'm going to miss you waddling up to the door whenever I walk into the house, immediately lifting up your arms asking to be picked up. I'm going to miss those silly dance moves of yours. I'm going to miss watching you grow.
I will always cherish the time I got to spend with you and your sister. I know everything is in God's hands now, but I will always continue to pray for your heart. I pray you will grow up knowing the Lord and how much He loves you. I pray God will use you and your life in a wonderful way. I pray you will shout His good name at the top of your lungs. And I pray you will always know how much you mean to us. 
Love,
ALWAYS your aunt,
Aunt Mer Mer

God has a great plan. Even though it might not of been our plan, God works in amazing ways. This week is going to be very hard, but our lives will move on. It may not ever be the same again without the girls, but life moves on. 

Thank you so much to all who have prayed for and supported Christina, Dan and their family. I know it is very much appreciated. Please keep them in your prayers this week and for weeks to come. 

Yikes!

Well hello again!

It's been almost a week since I've posted! I haven't even had this things for a month and I'm already slacking! Oh but it has been a crazy week!

This weekend was a little bit more calm. I babysat for my sister and her husband on Friday night as they had date night! Saturday, we took the boys to a Play 60 park. For those of you who don't know, Play 60 parks are NFL parks designed for kids. Since we're in Charlotte, of course everything is Panthers themed! Well the boys loved it!!! Even though I could have sworn my hands were gonna fall off they were so cold, it had no effect on the kids, shocking. Saturday night, Christina and I went out with a friend. We went to the Dandelion Market in Uptown. OH MY GOODNESS, I highly recommend this place. We got there around 8:30 on a Saturday night and was seated within 15 minutes. We each picked something off the menu and ordered it one by one. The service was SO fast and everything we tried was delicious. If you are looking for a place to sit down for a while and just talk, you have to try it. After dinner, we went to a dessert bar called, Amelies. Even though the line wrapped around the side of the building, it was very very fast service. After eating only a few bites, we were full so we took it to go and headed home. Sunday was a normal day, other than the fact that I stayed home with the kiddos cause one was sick. 

This week, man, Monday seems like lightyears ago. Business at my internship picked up a lot and I actually had a lot of things to do. Tuesday was the one day of the year that Charlotte got snow! It started snowing around 4pm so I left work early and headed to Christina and Dan's. By the time I was ready to go to bed, we probably had close to two inches already, which is a HUGE deal in the south. Thankfully, I was house sitting for a lady in their neighborhood so I was able to just walk home. When I got up, the roads were covered! I texted my boss and declared I was having a snow day. Okay, so it didn't go quite like that. More along the lines of telling him I was too scared to drive in the snow and he said it was okay to stay home. I hiked back over to Christina and Dan's and not to my surprise, the boys were already playing in the back yard. I don't function well in the cold so I plopped myself down on the couch and didn't move most of the day. After lunch, I knew something was wrong. My body was aching and I had no desire to even smell food, which is very rare for me. I took some medicine and tried to suck it up. I went back to the house I was house sitting for fairly early in hopes that a good night sleep would fix everything. Boy was I wrong, I woke up about every hour with shooting pains going up my back and nausea. I did everything I could think of to fix it, but nothing was working. What felt like just a few seconds more of sleep, my alarm clock went off. I stuffed some more medicine in me and some how made it to work. Thankfully, today has been fairly busy so my mind has not been on the pain. I can only hope the next few hours fly by!

On a happier note, this weekend will be the first weekend that my boyfriend is coming to visit me in Charlotte! Woohoo! I was suppose to go down to Clemson, but with as much pain that I'm in, I couldn't fathom driving for that long. I'm just praying that the pain will go away just long enough so that I can have a good weekend with Matt.

I know this blog is rather boring and most people aren't gonna want to read about my week, but that's okay! After all, this blog is for me, not you! :) 

TGIF?

TGIF... "Thank God It's Friday." A phrase that we have heard for so long now, even though I don't know many people that still use it actually weekly. Heck, it's even a restaurant! But even though I am thank that it is Friday and I get to have a relaxing weekend with family and friends, I am much more thankful for some other things going on right now! 

First off, I am SO thankful for warm clothes and a warm place to lay my head at night because it has been bitterly cold lately! And I am also thankful for Spring just around the corner. 

I am thankful for my sister, Christina, and her husband, Dan, for EVERYTHING that they do for me. Just last night they brought me a dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts!! That's true love haha. Then proceeded to try and help me fix my brakes on my car and when it didn't work, let me borrow Dan's car and promised to help me take it to a mechanic on Saturday. They also feed me dinner every night and pack me a lunch every day! I have not had to go grocery shopping at all since I've been here!  Dan insists that Christina and I have a girls' night once a week so that we can have sister time, which has brought Christina and I closer together and for that, I am forever grateful. They are amazing examples to me! They are fantastic parents, not only to their boys, but also to their sweet foster girls! They have shown me what a great Christian relationship looks like and lead by example daily. 

I am thankful for my dad who I can call at any hour of the day if my car is acting up and he is right there with advice to help. He has dropped what he was doing many times for me and drove to Clemson just to help me out. He doesn't even get mad when I call him about stupid things, like when I couldn't get my key out of my ignition only to find out my car wasn't in park! Don't worry, I laughed at myself for this one too! 

I am thankful for my mom who has taught me to stand up for what I believe no matter what. She made a decision to stand firm in her faith last year that ended up costing her her job. God did not fail her, He provided her with an amazing new job, at an amazing new school! Though it put her through a few very hard months, she stayed strong and was an amazing example of how God works through every situation. I am truly proud to call her my mother! 

I am thankful for being able to be so close to my family. Not even in distance (most of us at least), but also in relationships. I can truly say that all my siblings and their spouses are not only family, but also friends. I am thankful that I would never hesitate to call any one of them to ask for advice, help, or simply talk. Though we fight, it seems like we're fighting to the death sometimes, I know we always love each other and want the best for each other. 

I am thankful for a boyfriend who deals with all my crap. No, really! Matt is so patient with me, even with the silliest of situations! Not only does he listen when I rant about stupid things, he makes me feel better! We have the best time together! We can sit on the couch for hours watching movies or go on adventures, either way we are just happy to be next to each other. I'm thankful for being with someone that makes my life easier, not the other way around! 

I am thankful for the family that is letting me stay with them while I am in Charlotte. They have opened up their home to me, rent free, which is a HUGE blessing on a college student. Not to mention, they are incredibly sweet and an amazing Christian family! 

I am thankful for a best friend that I can talk to no matter how far away she is. Most of you know that my best friend, Sarah, is currently studying abroad in London. We still talk every single day and she still knows about almost everything going on in my life! Thank goodness for technology! When she isn't in London, she's still about 1000 miles away in Dallas. Being able to talk to her, no matter the distance, has definitely kept me sane, at least for the most part. ;)

I am thankful for this amazing opportunity to get work experience in my field! A paid internship to a Sophomore that I am also receiving school credit for?!? It doesn't get much better than this. Not to mention, everyone is so sweet and helpful!

I am thankful for an amazing, forgiving Savior. A God that knows my sins and still loves me just the same. Even though I am consistently screwing up, He never leaves me or forsakes me. 

I am thankful for being able to live in His beautiful creation. Though there is so much evil in this world, there is not one day that goes by that I don't look outside and am truly amazing of how wondrous His masterpiece is. 

There is so much to be thankful for! Don't let a day go by that you don't remember the blessings that have been given to you by Him. 

It's Okay!

I wrote this a while back because I had a few things on my mind. I sent it to a friend cause I figured someone should read it. But why not more people? Maybe y'all need to hear it too! 

So many people these days are so unsatisfied with how their lives are simply because they aren't doing what society expects them to do or it's not coming out how they thought it should. What I've come to realize is that everyone is different, they have different goals, grow up differently, and end up differently, so why do we think it's okay to determine what other people should do with their lives. I had a roommate once who told me that her sister was so upset that she joined a sorority simply because her sister didn't see her doing that when she was planning out her life. I could not believe this! I thought, "Why in the world would her sister care what she did?!?" It's all about expectations. 

One situation that totally drives me insane is everyone's crazy expectations of college. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE college! I love almost everything about it! But what I don't understand is how people go through life saying that they will be the best four years (give or take a few depending on your motivation ;) ) of your life. For me, so far, yes they have been the best years! I have made some friends that I believe will be friends for a life time, I have had experience that I would never had if I hadn't gone to Clemson, I met my amazing and sweet boyfriend who has completely changed my view on how relationships work, BUT I have had awful times as well. I have had horrific roommate experiences, friends betray me, drama like you won't believe, and those mornings when I wake up wondering if I made the right decision. But when people refer to college as the "glory days" I can't help but think "Is this it?" Sure it's fun for now, but I (hopefully) have my whole life to look forward to. I don't want the best days of my life to be frat parties and all nighters. I look forward to the days ahead of me. I enjoy college now, and I will probably cry when it's over, but I want more for my life and it's okay!

For those of you would don't know, I am a daughter of the amazing Lord and Savior. I believe that He has an amazing plan for my life and has known exactly who I am, and who I will be before I was even born. Even though I am close with the Lord, I am not going to sit here and lie to you saying that it has always been this way. There were days that I thought I was strong and that I was doing everything that I was suppose to, when I was simply just doing a check list. Wake up and do my devotions? Check! Pray before every meal? Check! Give a daily encouraging bible verse to a friend? Check! Don't cuss all day? Check! Pray before I go to bed? Check! WOW I was such a great Christian! Boy was I mistaken about what it truly meant to be that word that I used so freely! There were days when I didn't know what it meant to have a relationship with God, and it's okay!

Now there were other times when I simply did not want to anything to do with this so called Savior! He was in my way of having a grand ole time! Sure I still claimed to be a christian, I would even go to church and youth group, but my heart was definitely not in it. I hung out with friends who led me down paths that only drew me further from Him. I said things and acted ways that I would be embarrassed if people knew about now. I did not represent Christ well and I was definitely not walking with the Lord. Even though I had my days/months that I strayed from God, I was still His daughter and He still loved me when I came crawling back to Him, shameful as ever! I went down a dark path but came back to Him, and it's okay! 

Something that I had struggled with my whole life is who I am. In high school, I was who ever my friends wanted me to be. I changed so much that not even I knew who I really was and this was simply to get the approval of those around me. When I met my best friend in college, all of that changed. Sarah's a different kind of girl, in the best way! She is who she is and if you don't enjoy it, well your loss! She has helped me find out who I am over the past year and taught me that it's okay to be who I am, even if it's different than the people around me. People will surprise you, they want to get to know the real you and if you are yourself, the people that are meant to be around you will love you for it! Sarah has taught me to be myself in every situation and it's okay!

One thing that I really have struggled with the past few months is that everyone's path in life is not the same as yours. Halfway through the semester, Sarah sat me down and told me that she was studying abroad in the spring in London and that she would be leaving me in December. This was not an easy thing to hear! I had just gone a whole summer without seeing my best friend and now it would be even longer till I saw her again! But I made that decision to do an Internship the same time she was going to London to make that pain ease a little. This was not the worst of it. A few weeks later, Sarah sat me down again and told me, with tears in her eyes, that she would not be returning to Clemson the next fall. She was transferring. My heart was SHATTERED! I didn't know what to do! My best friend, the girl who made me who I am today, my rock, my roommate was leaving. Not just for a semester, not just for a summer, but for good. WOW. After a tearful night, and a few more, Sarah got to tell me why she had made this decision. She had been thinking of doing this for over a year, but originally decided against it after meeting me. Even though she said I was the reason she stayed at Clemson for as long as she did, I couldn't help but feel like it was all my fault. I hadn't done everything in my ability to make her happy enough to stay. It took me quite some time to realize that I couldn't have done anything. Clemson wasn't for her. Which I had a hard time believing since I am so in love with my school, but it was true. I am so thankful that our paths crossed for the time that it did because it is a friendship that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Sarah's path is different than mine, and it's okay!

Everyone is different. It's okay!
Life can be one hectic roller coaster. It can throw you curve balls and send you spinning in a different direction. It's okay!
People handle situations differently. It's okay!
People will want different things in life. It's okay!
God only knows what's in store for our future. But after all, it's okay!