I have decided that it is completely okay and healthy to cry. Like all the time. For those of you who know me pretty well, you know that I cry at pretty much a drop of a pen. Oh, and if someone else starts crying, forget about it, I am done for. I think the worst is when I over think a situation in my head and compose this ridiculous scenario so that when I start crying, I can't even explain to anyone why I am. *Sigh* BUT, I have decide it's alright to cry.
There are many different types of crying; sad tears, happy tears, angry tears, confused tears, and the list goes on and on. It's hard to tell the difference between the tears sometimes, but a lot of the times, it's just healthy to let them out.
For some reason, crying has been deemed "weak" by society and I just don't agree with that. I feel like crying shows you have passion for something. If you're not passionate about anything, you have nothing to cry about. If you don't have any love, you have nothing to cry about. Why is everyone told "don't cry?" Why is nobody told to "just let it all out" anymore? I feel like everyone thinks that they have to be strong, can't show their weaknesses to anyone anymore, which is just sad. I understand that there is a time and a place to cry (apparently work isn't one of them- oops!), but why is everyone so afraid to cry these days?
This weekend took a toll on my family. As we said goodbye to our two sweet little girls, we were promised "see you later." While that was extremely encouraging, it did not stop the flood works. As my sister and I had make-up streaming down our faces, my brother-in-law prayed for the girls and their hearts. Once we were done, my sweet nephew asked why we were so sad, well here comes the tears again! My sister tried to explain to him that we loved the girls and didn't want to say goodbye to them. I had to sit there for a second and really think about why I was crying. I always knew this day would come where I would have to say goodbye.... why is this so upsetting to me? I came to the conclusion that it was because I loved these girls from the bottom of my heart. My heart was truly being broken by saying goodbye to them, but like all broken hearts, mine will heal with time. BUT in the mean time, it's okay to cry about it. I miss the girls dearly already and it's alright to show that emotion.
Another time where you will always find me crying is weddings. Out of my five other siblings, four of them are already married. And I cried at three of their weddings. (DISCLAIMER: the only reason I didn't cry at the fourth one is because it was a small, five minute ceremony in my parents living room with only family and closest friends) These were 100% tears of joy and nothing less. Watching my siblings find the people that make them happiest in the world and committing the rest of their lives to each other brings me pure joy. Some of them only knowing their now spouse for a few months at the time and some being together for years, I cry at just the thought of how happy they make each other. Now for those of you that don't know, I am a hopeless romantic. Now let's not get this confused, I, myself, am not romantic in my relationships, I like lounging around in sweats and just being with each other. BUT I love watching people fall head over heels in love with each other, even if it's just in movies. I blame my mom for this one. She has been a wedding director since before I was born and I have been her assistant since about middle school and I love every minute of it. I would WAY rather be in the background of a wedding than sitting in the ceremony. My mom and I get to hear the last words a father says to his daughter before he walks her down the isle and we have to perfect view of a groom the first moments that he sees his bride. AND without fail, my mom is in tears almost every time those church doors open and the bridal processional begins. So, mom, it's all your fault that I'm a wedding crier.
Crying helps me process my emotions. It helps me to take a few minutes to understand what I'm really feeling at that moment in time. It helps me work out my frustrations and gather my feelings before I explode. If I had to hold it in every time I needed to cry, I would end up exploding at the first person who crossed my path slightly out of step, which would not be good! So, next time you see someone crying, don't assume that they are weak. They have to be strong enough to let themselves cry, let their emotions out and frankly, not take it out on you.
So CRY! Be okay with crying when you need to cry. Don't feel as if you need to hide that fact that you are crying. These are your emotions, passions, and your heart coming out! It's okay to let them show! You are not weak because of these things, but you are human!
I don't care who you are, Goodbyes are never easy.
It's taken me a while to pull my thoughts and emotions together to write this down.
Yesterday, my family received some heartbreaking news that my sister and her husband's foster girls, who have been with us since this summer, were going back to their grandma in just over a week. Wow, even typing it still makes me tear up.
When I first heard the news yesterday, my immediate reaction was to go on defense. How in the world is the grandma getting the girls back? She had them taken away for a reason! She works two jobs and the youngest baby girl can't be in day care! How is she gonna handle that?!? They would have much better lives with our family! Then, I got sad. It's so soon. Only a week left with my baby girls?!? We won't get to celebrate their birthdays like we planned! Why would they do this with such little notice? We're losing two family members. But most of all, my heart ached for my sister and brother in law.
Christina and Dan loved those girls so much and have changed their daily lives for them. They knew this day was coming, but not so soon. They have done so much for these girls and have truly affected their lives for the better. This coming up week will be hard. Full of preparations for the move and long, tearful goodbyes. I ask that throughout the week if you would just pray for all those involved to be at peace with this change and for Christina and Dan would have strength through this process.
Even though I still have a week with them, I want to give the girls a proper goodbye. For the sake of their family's privacy, I'm gonna call them A and N.
Dear A,
You came into our lives and our hearts first. Hearing the news of your soon arrival was so exciting for the family. We were so ready to shower you with love and gifts. We were so excited to meet you.
You were so tiny, coming home from the hospital at only four pounds, WAY smaller than this family is used to. We used to say you were so small you looked like a porcelain doll. But man how you have grown.
You are SO beautiful. Those big brown eyes could make anyone melt! And what a great baby you are! You hardly cry and are so easy to manage.
Probably my favorite time with you is after all the other kids go to bed, you know our attention is all towards you and man do you love it. Giggles and squeals of joy fill up the house and make everyone fall deeper in love with you.
I am going to miss you so much A. I pray that you grow up knowing how much you were loved while you were with us, even though you will have no memory of it. But more importantly, I pray you grow up knowing how much you are loved by God. You are His sweet baby girl and he has a plan for you. I pray you grow up to be as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. And I pray that I will see you again, whether or not it's on this earth.
Love,
ALWAYS your aunt,
Aunt Mer Mer
Dear N,
Never did I think I could love a little girl so much after only knowing her for a few short months. You captured my heart the moment I met you and never let it go.
It's taking me a while to write your letter, simply because I have so much I want to say.
You are absolutely gorgeous. Your eyes are the biggest I've ever seen and they are oh so sweet. That smile of yours with your cute little gap between your front two teeth are simply adorable. Your silly giggle whenever we tickle you or chase you around the house could make anyone smile.
It's been such a joy watching you grow and change so much even with your short time here. Being able to watch you learn to walk, and run for that matter, and learn new words almost every day are memories I wouldn't trade for the world!
I'm going to miss everything about you pretty girl. I'm even going to miss those early morning I wake up with you and we just cuddle. I'm going to miss you waddling up to the door whenever I walk into the house, immediately lifting up your arms asking to be picked up. I'm going to miss those silly dance moves of yours. I'm going to miss watching you grow.
I will always cherish the time I got to spend with you and your sister. I know everything is in God's hands now, but I will always continue to pray for your heart. I pray you will grow up knowing the Lord and how much He loves you. I pray God will use you and your life in a wonderful way. I pray you will shout His good name at the top of your lungs. And I pray you will always know how much you mean to us.
Love,
ALWAYS your aunt,
Aunt Mer Mer
God has a great plan. Even though it might not of been our plan, God works in amazing ways. This week is going to be very hard, but our lives will move on. It may not ever be the same again without the girls, but life moves on.
Thank you so much to all who have prayed for and supported Christina, Dan and their family. I know it is very much appreciated. Please keep them in your prayers this week and for weeks to come.
