RIP Tucker

Two years and a little over a month ago, I came to college. If you would have asked me then if I thought frats and sororities were stupid, I would have screamed hell yeah. I'm a little bit more hesitate these days.

Yesterday, Clemson received the awful news that one of our very own student's body was found in the near by lake. It was a very scary and mournful day. People made sure they hugged their loved ones a little longer and tears were shed even if you didn't know the kid. Because Clemson is a family. We had a family member die, and it effects all of us.

We were blessed to have supporting love from the entire student body and even surrounding school, including our rival, USC. On Tuesday, the campuses were flooded with people in orange because #OrangeforTucker. There has already been two candle lightings and a moment of silence for this kid. People care.

But then, it started to get nasty. Naturally, people got nosy. We wanted to know; Why? How? Who did it? Was it an accident? Was he drunk? Did someone kill him? Everyone's favorite scapegoat? His fraternity. 

Tucker Hipps was running with his fraternity early Monday morning. Later that morning, they noticed Tucker was not there. They began searching for him. Early afternoon, they decided to contact police. At 3:30pm, his body was found. 

Nobody knows what happened, not yet at least. But it seems like everyone has their beliefs. So, let me tell you what I know.

My boyfriend is in a fraternity. I used to defend him saying things like, "He's not really fratty!" But the truth of the matter is, every single fraternity brother that I know, LOVES his brothers with all his heart. Whether they are the pledges, NIBs, or the president, their bond is strong. They look after each other. They care for one another. Am I saying that every single guy in a fraternity is an amazing guy? Hell no. Just like everywhere else, they are bad and stupid people. But am I proud of my boyfriend and his "brothers"? Hell. Yes.

I'm not saying the Tucker's fraternity is innocent, because I honestly have no earthly idea. All I'm saying is that they deserve to be given a chance. After all, "innocent until proven guilty" right? And Clemson's greek system as a whole does not deserve to be put to shame or blamed for this. Earlier tonight, I saw a facebook post that said "Something is rotten in the Clemson Greek scene." You, sir, are mistaken. For it was not "Clemson Greek" that killed Tucker Hipps. How about we all stop jumping to conclusions about this and mourn the loss of our fellow tiger!

maybe

It's interesting how life treats you some times. One day, you are as happy as you could be and then the next, you are down on your knees, begging for mercy.

It's been a long time since I've written. Mainly because I thought I had gotten it all together. Life was good again. Things were normal. But that's not true. When is life ever normal? What is normal for that matter? Is constant fighting and drama normal? Cause that normal sucks. 

When summer came, I felt free. I got this amazing job that I truly loved. All my friends and I were back on the right track and I was happy. I wish I could bottle that feeling up and safe it for times like these. I wish I could spread it out so that I would never have to feel like this. Never have to feel alone. I'm not sure why God throws these twists and turns at us, but if I know one thing, it's that I sure as hell need Him. 

Everyone always tell you that college is so amazing. But I don't know if I believe them. Sure, I've had fun and met my best friend and the love of my life here, but college kinda sucks. I'm surrounded by people who don't understand me, don't have the same values as me, and I'm suppose to be having "the best four years of my life" here? How? College is prepping me for a job after I get my degree, but how are the suppose to prep me if I have no freaking idea what I want to do with my life. Sure, my major is fun for the most part, but I'm not sure I can do this the rest of my life. I'm not good at school.

What is the purpose? What's the purpose of getting this degree that, truthfully, I'll probably only use for 5 years before I have kids? What's the purpose of trying to become friends with people that I literally have nothing in common with? What's the purpose of all this? Cause I honestly don't know anymore.

But you know, maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the one who is making this so hard on me. Maybe I overthink every situation to where no joy comes out of it anymore. Maybe I push people away because I can't accept people with different believes and morals than me. Maybe I'm forcing myself to be alone. Maybe.