random thoughts

so i've decided that i just don't like capitalization when i'm typing. it just takes way too long to mess with that crap. i would get rid of all punctuation if i could but i feel that would confuse people too much. so you're welcome for keeping some formal elements to these posts. also, i don't like having to think of catchy titles, so that will probably go down the drain too #sorrynotsorry {just said that, yup.}

today i was ubber bored at work so i decided to expand my bloggy knowledge and there is wayyyy more to it than i realized! so i have now joined bloglovin! fancy, yes i know. there's also a cute little button you can press on the right side to follow me! not everyone at once now.... no? okay, fine whatever. i won't cry about it later or anything...

one thing that i found out about blogging that i am actually really looking forward to getting involved in is the community. connecting with other "bloggers" {i don't like being called that}. it feels a little bit like online dating to me so that's weird, but it's whatever. if these girls are anything like how they write, then we will get along just fine. 

oh, so story time! yesterday at work, the coffee maker went all crappo on us, so that was fun. and for some reason, since i'm the intern, everyone turns to me with death rays coming from their eyes demanding i fix it {okay, i'm being a little dramatic but still}. well i certainly did not know how to fix that thing-a-ma-bob soooo that was cool. someone called the repair man {who knew they had those for coffee makers} and after 2 scary hours in the office with no coffee, it was fixed. BUT then our internet went out. and we do all our work over the internet so people played a lot of 2048 and we were all sharing our high scores. i won. mainly cause i have nothing better to do at work but play, but i was not about to tell them that. i am a hard working intern... i promise. but that was my interesting/scary day at work for ya.

another cool thing happened last night too! found out i'm my daddy's favorite, no shock here. SEE! proof:

sorry daddy, i told everyone! hehe but what do you expect?!? i would be my mom's favorite too if it weren't for those dang grandkids.... one day i'll be on top again, mark my words. now i'm sure lots of you {mainly my siblings} are trying to justify that you aren't the favorite by saying some rubbish like "it's not a competition" but let's face it, i'm a swiger. everything is a competition to us. and i win. 

also, it's super rainy this week and matt and i are suppose to be going to carowinds on saturday and if this rain ruins it, i will be pissed {to say it nicely}. 

well, i think i've done enough rambling for today and i'm sure all of you are super entertained by my random thoughts. no? whatever, it's cool.  

Here's To Me

So I've been writing on here (I don't like to call it blogging) for the better of four months now, and it has been fantastic! But lately, it's been more of a task, which I don't like. I started this blog to vent and kind of relieve myself of some of the built up crap that I had nobody to talk to about. It was my stress reliever and my outlet. Recently though, it has been putting stress on me. I feel like I have to put out the best posts that everyone will love and I feel like I have to post ALL the time. So I've made a decision.

I'm taking back control of my blog! I'm gonna start posting about what I want to post about. I'm gonna only post when I really want to talk about something. I'm not gonna worry about how many people read this thing. It's gonna be for me and only me. No more sharing it on facebook, mainly because my timeline is way too clogged with blog links at the moment. No more posting the link on twitter. Those are just another way for me to be way too concerned with readers.

While I love that people read this random blog and I am happy to share my life and my struggles with anyone who is willing to listen, I'm not gonna worry myself with numbers anymore. If this decision shoots my numbers way down and only 5 people read it a day, so be it! It's here for me and I'm going to repeat that so I never forget it. 

I'm not a writer, never have been. Some of my favorite blogs are by people who write exactly how they talk. I don't dream of this blog being famous or getting a million views per day. I dream of being real. Being open and honest and being myself on here. I'm not gonna act like I'm this perfect girl who has it all together and what the world really needs is my insight, because that's sure as hell ain't true! I'm screwed up! MAJORLY! I make mistakes, I sin (a lot), I'm unhappy with a lot of things going on in my life right now, but at least now I'm gonna be honest about it. 

P.S. In case you were wondering, insecurity sucks. Trust me, I'm drowning in it, and it blows big time! 

So here's me!

And here's some things that I just like:

This is how I feel about most things:

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I feel like making this face ALL. THE. TIME. and I love RDJ ;)

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I'm scarily sarcastic and very dry about it: 

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I need to learn this:

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Praying For You

When I was in middle school, I went to this amazing summer camp with my church called The Edge. It was a week full of fun games, competitions, skits, and of course, worship. Every year there would a guy leading worship named Wayne Kerr, think 40 year old man with over processed hair trying to connect with middle schoolers. Despite his hair, everyone loved him. Anyways, he always played this one song that I absolutely loved and for some reason it was stuck in my head last night and it got me thinking. 

The song that was stuck in my head was "My Prayer for You" by Wayne Kerr (I couldn't find the video on Youtube, but here's the lyrics). A little bit of the chorus goes like this: 

"That you could have joy like you've never known

Peace, and a happy home

Time to be all alone

This is my prayer, my prayer for you."

These are all sweet blessings to be wished upon someone which got me thinking, how to I pray for other people? Do I pray for them at all? Now, if someone is sick or hurting, of course I pray for healing for them. But what about for a regular person for no reason? Nope, not normally. That's sad. 

Not only do I not normally pray for other people, when I do, it's not always good. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't sit here actually praying to God that someone would get hurt or that something bad would happen to them. But, I do think and wish it sometimes, and God knows all of our thoughts, so it's basically the same thing. God calls us to pray for even our enemies hearts. Immediately, this makes me think of a country song by Jaron and The Long Road to Love called "Pray For You." (Here's a link to the song) The song is about how the preacher told him that he needed to pray for those who have wronged him and this is his prayer;

"I pray your brakes go out running down a hill

I pray a flowerpot falls from the window sill and knocks you in the head like I'd like to

I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls

I pray your flying high when your engine stalls 

I pray all your dreams never come true

Just know wherever you are honey, I'm praying for you."

Okay, so that may be a little extreme, but this is more like what my prayers for other people are sounding like, and I would be willing bet big money that I am not the only one. 

Whenever we are wronged by someone, we like to think that "karma" will get them back. Well, hate to break it to you, but there is no such thing as karma. Most of us know that, but we don't like the idea that we are praying for something bad to happen to someone, so we chalk it up to karma. OR we like to thing that God will spite them for what they have done. We don't like to think about how God is a forgiving God at the time, or how many times He has forgiven us when we have wronged others. Simply put, we are selfish people, which is no surprise. We don't like to be the bigger person. 

I'm challenging myself to pray more for people, for no absolute reason. Not the spiteful prayer, but more of a prayer like Wayne Kerr's. I'm also going to pray that God will work with me and mature my heart, so that I can pray honestly wanting good for those who have wronged me. I know it's not going to be a fast change, but nothing ever is. I also want to challenge you to look at your prayers, wishes, and thoughts and think about if you would want someone praying for those things about you. It can change your mind if you turn the tables your direction. 

I Am A Clemson Tiger. I Am A Christian.

I would love to say that I am a person who could just let things roll off my back, that I am not the type of person that is a fighter, that I am calm, cool, and collected in all situtions, butttttt being realistic, I am just not that person. Never have been, more than likely, never will be. When something rubs me the wrong way, you will know... trust me! Plus, I've never been good at keeping my mouth shut. 

This week something has just TICKED ME OFF! Never in a million years did I think that I was ever going to be tested for my faith, not in America. I live in the South, I grew up in a Christian home, most of my friends either believe the same as me or accepts it. But we have come to a cross road. And I could not be more proud to go to Clemson University where Dabo Swinney and the rest of the coaches care more about a player's heart than they do about their career.

THERE! I said it! Hate me if you want! But what the heck has this world come to if our coach is getting persecuted for investing his time and life into these players not just on the field but in their lives? Please tell me everyone else is finding this just as ridiculous as I am! 

Let me just say one thing about this "Freedom From Religion Foundation".... they are proclaimed atheists basically trying to make sure that nobody is getting bullied into religion... okay... fine. I don't want people getting bullied into any religion either. BUT you can't get bullied into Christianity because it is not a religion, it is a relationship with God! PLUS Dabo is no bully! Yes, Dabo is a proclaimed Christian and YES he organizes bible studies and baptisms for our football boys, BUT it is all optional. Whenever Dabo does any of this, he does this on his OWN time and his OWN money. Whether or not the boys go or participate does not effect their scholarship or playing time. Dabo is professional, but above that, he is a FANTASTIC coach. Yes, he is going to play the atheist player over the christian player if the atheist player deserves it. 

It is so sad that we now live in a world that coaches are going to have to think twice before they care for the football players. It is so sad that we have to tip toe around people's religion because nobody is accepting anymore. It is so sad how corrupted and empty this world has become.  

This whole organization is making me question the true meaning of "freedom." Maybe Dabo is investing more into these boys than other coaches would, but while he has the championship in mind, he has a bigger goal for the end. 

SO, I am proud to be a Clemson Tiger. I am proud to sing Tiger Rag every Saturday in the fall. I am proud to support Dabo and EVERYTHING he does for those boys. I am proud to go to school where people are proud of who they are. But above all else, I AM PROUD TO BE A CHRISTIAN. 

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Here's a quote for a representative of the FFRF that sets me off a little:

"What we'd like to see is the end of this chaplaincy position and end to Bible distributions by coaches, an end to devotionals scheduled and put on by coaches and staff. The coaches need to step back and just coach (football) and not coach in religious matters."

THIS PISSES ME OFF

If you just have no idea what I am talking about, here's a link to article about the whole situation! I would really like to throw in a few choice worlds about this foundation.... but I'm trying to be Christ-like here!! ;)

A Blog of Birthdays

Soooo I have some catching up to do.. within a little over a month's span, four of my closest friends have birthdays. Let me introduce them to you!

Sydney: This crazy girl turned 20 on March 12. She is always down for a good time and knows how to have one. One thing that I absolutely love about her is that she can stand up for herself. She doesn't need anyone to protect her and she will tell you exactly how it is! Haha my favorite memory with her is of her slapping the crap out of a guy for saying that she belong to her boyfriend, LOVE IT! Happy belated (like a month later) birthday Syd! Finish the heart! 

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Spring Break 2013

Spring 2014

Apsley: This southern gal turned 20 on March 30. I have had the pleasure of seeing this girl transform to who she really is in college. I may have had a hand in corrupting her, but no harm, no foul right? haha I know I can always count on this girl if I need a swing dancing/shag partner or if I need to borrow something from her wardrobe haha. Happy belated birthday Appy! :)

Valentines 2013

Mardi Gras 2013

Her birthday 2013/Carolina Cup

Christina: The baby of our little clan! (I'm sure she loves being called the baby!) This spit fire turns 19 TOMORROW, April 16! You can always count on this girl to do the craziest thing out there! Like for example, dye her hair whatever color she wants, or get a tattoo on a whim (I may have had some thing to do with that.... shhhh)! Whatever she does though, she always puts her friends first and I have never EVER heard her complain! Happy birthday Chrissie! :)

Way early freshman year

Halloween 2012

Mardi Gras 2013

Sarah: This beauty of a best friend turns 20 in about a week, April 21! Y'all have heard me talk about this girl a ton! I don't think I have ever met someone who loves Dallas or London more! She is always there for me, even if she's 4,000 miles away! She never fails to make me feel better and always is available for the best advice! My world would not be the same without her! Happy early birthday little nugget! 

Fiesta 2013

Blowout 2013

Some fancy party 2013 ;)

I love all of you so very much and look forward to future adventures; in Clemson, Dallas, or even London! I can't wait to see most of you this weekend! (Sarah, we need a skype date soon!)

10 Signs That I Come From A Big Family

I grew up in a big family. HA massive... and it's growing by the minute. Most people I tell that I have 17 people in my immediate family (this is including in-laws and children) don't believe me. No, we don't have our own TV show. No, we don't all have names that start with J (we do have two Meredith's though). And no, we don't wear long jean skirts.... that's a strong no. We are normal. HA okay maybe not normal, but we are at least not totally wacko. 

Anyways, apparently today is National Sibling Day and well, as I have told you before, I have the best. And while I would not change my family for anything, it has some side effects. Apparently, I have some interesting characteristics that point to the fact that I come from a big family, so I thought I would share some with you!

10 signs that I come from a big family:

1. I love kids. All kids. All ages. And this isn't the type where they are fun to hold or play with but when they poop or scream you hand them back over. Nope, it doesn't bother me. I have absolutely no problem changing a poopy diaper. I like trying to soothe a baby. HECK, I don't even care when my nephews wake me up at 6:30am on a Saturday. I just love those little ones so much.

2. Hand-me-down clothes don't bother me. Sure, I went through a period of middle school and part of high school that I thought it was just so uncool! But, those were my clothes growing up. I have two older sisters and I had whatever they got. Now, I get excited if someone gives me hand-me-downs. UM free clothes people!!! I'll take what I want and give whatever I don't want to someone else.

3. Chaos doesn't bother me. Actually, I work better when it's crazy. When there are a million people running around doing a million different things. Yup, it just works better for me. That's how it was in my house growing up and that's just what I'm used to. 

4. Silence makes me go insane. I have learned this thanks to my new job. HOLY... just no. I need noise. This office is silent. Like so quiet I can hear the person on the other side of the building typing... Sometimes I just have to put my head phones on and blast music cause I just can't take it. This is also why I don't study well in the library. I have to talk to someone while I study and apparently that is frowned upon in the library. Mehh.. 

5. Everyone, somehow, knows my family. Or at least knows of my family. I thought this was just true when I was in Greenville. HA nope. It applies to Clemson and Charlotte so far as well. It's ridiculous, honestly. Somehow, most everyone has some crazy connection to my family and would just love to tell me how. Maybe it's a small world, or maybe my family is just huge. 

6. I can sleep through ANYTHING. I'm not talking about the TV or talking. I'm talking about earthquakes (in case you were wondering, yes, I have) and screaming and dogs barking and banging. I just don't wake up. If I didn't have this trait, I'm not sure that I would have gotten any sleep growing up. There was always something going on, whether it was brothers screaming or my dad banging the hammer at ungodly hours of the morning. 

7. I talk loud. I don't mean to, it's just how I talk. I think it has something to do with the fact that I have to talk loud around my house just to get a word it. If I was quiet, everyone else would just talk over me. So, I talk loud so that I'm heard.

8. I will eat just about anything. I'm not a picky eater. I will eat whatever is on my plate, even if I don't like it. That's because if I didn't like whatever my mom cooked for dinner growing up, I had two options. Either, I fixed myself dinner, OR I just didn't eat. And let's be real, I am entirely too lazy to fix myself dinner. So I ate whatever and complained about it.... but I still ate it. 

9. I have more respect for my parents than most teenagers have for theirs. I don't come from a wealthy family, but my parents NEVER failed to provided what we needed and more. They dealt with six crazy kids, which I knew could not have been easy. I don't know how they have done what they have, but it's impressive.

10. Family is everything to me. I know that my family is in it for the long run. We rely on each other. We love each other unconditional. They aren't people that just happen to be related to me, they are everything to me. 

Well, there ya have it. I'm not like normal people, I'm weird. But if you didn't know that by now, you must not know me at all. There have been a few times that I had wished I was an only child, but I promise you, it takes a special kind of person to be from a family this big....

** you can interpret "special" how ever you may like**

Not Now Isn't So Bad

If you know me at all, you know that I hate waiting. Especially for something that I really, really want. Just ask anyone who has gotten me a birthday present and told me they got it before they would give it to me.....**cough cough SARAH cough cough** I can't handle it. I just can't. It's cruel and unusual torture to me. I hate waiting for the next step in life. I hate waiting for my next meal for that matter... I hate waiting for the summer. I hate waiting to get a new car. I hate waiting for friendships to be rebuilt. I. Hate. Waiting.

With that being said, God has a funny (kinda... not really comical to me...) way of making me learn to wait. When I was young, I was taught that God gave us one of three answers; "yes," "no," or "not now." The "yes" is the easy one, you get what you want. The "no" is harder, cause God knows you what's best for you, but you still don't get what you want. The "not now" is awful to me. It's not yes and it's not no. I would rather just be told "no" right away. Well lately it seems that the only answer I have been getting is the "not now." As you could imagine, that's hard for me.

My life is in some kind of transition phase. I'm technically still in college, but currently I'm working in the real world. But it's only temporary... It's hard for me to explain to other people and honestly hard for me to truly understand myself. Regardless of what this stage of my life is considered, it's a waiting period. I'm waiting to go back to school. I'm waiting for my career to start. I'm waiting for life to be normal (I don't even know what that means anymore). What God is slowly, and I mean SLOWLY, teaching me, is to enjoy it. He's showing me that waiting doesn't have to be awful. I can enjoy where I am right now. And I have a lot to enjoy to be honest!

I love where I'm living! Charlotte is a great city, but who I'm living with truly makes it the best. I love being able to live with my sister and her family. I enjoy getting to spend all that time with my nephews. Not even mentioning all the home cooked meals and rent-free. 

I have this crazy opportunity that most college kids couldn't even dream of! I'm getting a paid to learn more about my field. I get school credit. This internship is such a resume booster for me. PLUS I get to wear jeans and a t shirt to work all the time!

I don't have to worry about school work at the moment. (Besides a journal entry ever week that I honestly just make up as I go... shhh don't tell my teachers) I don't have any tests. No homework. I don't have to worry about getting good grades. As long as I don't get fired and I turn in my journal, I get an A. AND that means I will technically get all A's for the semester and a 4.0. Which will get me on the President's List. SO I have another resume booster there.

I am refreshing friendships... I chose my words wisely here because it's an unique situation. It's not that we were ever not friends. Or that we ever hated each other. We all had some moments (some longer than others) of anger, frustration, and even betrayal. And some major blowouts. BUT we are refreshing. We are making honest efforts to make our relationships what they used to be. It's not going to be exactly how it used to be right away, and we don't know if it ever will... but for now, we are refreshing. 

My life is good. No matter how many times I am convinced that it's not, it is. I have an amazing family who would support me in my dumbest moments. I have friends that are willing to work with me, even when I seem impossible. I have a boyfriend who loves me unconditionally, but isn't afraid to tell me when I'm being a drama queen. I have a job that is teaching me more than I ever thought it would. I love my major more than most college students. (I'm a little biased that it's the best major out there) And I am learning to trust God when He tells me "not now."

P.S. If you ever hear me say that my life sucks, feel free to hit me. 

Teach Me How To Rest

"Jesus, I am resting, resting in the joy of what Thou art. I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart." If you grew up going to church, you probably sung this song about a million times, but did you ever stop to think about what it really meant? Cause I sure never did. Until last weekend.

This past weekend, my sister and I, and about 30 other women from her church, headed down to Edisto Island for their yearly women's retreat. I was a little nervous about the trip, I only knew a handle of the girls, but I was excited to meet more people and see what God had for me in store. The theme of the weekend was "Yes, and I will rejoice." We were focusing on being joyful in times of sorrow.... well, if that wasn't perfect for me, then I don't know what is. 

I had a fantastic weekend! We had great speakers who really spoke from their heart. It made me realize that it's okay to be sad, but I should find the joy in those sad times. God does not promise that our lives are going to be perfect and that we are always going to have to super easy, but He does promise to be with us. That, right there, is enough reason to be joyful. But not only were the talks great, social time was so awesome! I met so many sweet women and loved being able to relax, drinking coffee, and talk while looking over the ocean. 

On Sunday morning, we spent some time worshipping and praying together. We sang "Jesus, I am resting" and for some reason, this time, it stuck with me. I could not get it out of my head and I couldn't stop thinking about what it meant to be resting in Jesus....

For quite some time now, I had been struggle with what God was calling me to do with my life. I was so ready for His plan to match with my life. I kept saying, "God, just show me. Show me and I'll do it." But the truth is, I was not ready to change. I was not ready to be uncomfortable. And what it took me a while to realize was that

God isn't molding His plan to fit our lives. He's molding our lives to fit His plan.

Well... that's harder. To truly rest in God, we have to give him full control. And we have to be completely willing to change our lives, even if that means we are uncomfortable. Ultimately, we are having to trust in the Lord, which is always easier said that done. 

Another misconception about resting in God is that this means that life will slow down. We think that our relationship with the Lord will come easy if we are resting. After all, resting is suppose to calming, relaxing, and even sleeping (my personal favorite), but when God talks about resting, He's not talking about those things. We are still going to have to work on our relationship, everything is not going to come easy. But our hearts will be at rest. We will trust that the Lord is there and working in us. We will be resting in the truth that we are not alone. 

We are not alone.... That is comforting. Knowing that what ever hardship we are going through, we can rest in the knowledge that we are never alone. I don't know about you, but that calms me.

Don't be afraid of the unknown. Because God knows. 

Don't be afraid of being alone. Because you never are alone.

Don't be afraid of what's to come. Because God has a plan.

REST, rest in the great arms of Jesus. 

^I know, I know, super corny, but it's so true.^ 

#100happydays

Ladies and gentlemen, I am on a mission!!

I'm not normally the person who does social media challenges, but this one really jumped out at me! It just seems to fit my life goal at the moment, so I figured, why not?!? 

I came across this website and just couldn't resist signing up! It's the 100 Happy Days challenge!

It's simple, I promise. All you have to do is Instagram, tweet, facebook (whatever you wanna do) a different picture for 100 days and say why that picture makes you happy! It can be absolutely anything! It could be a picture of your family, a new shirt, coffee, God, anything that is making you happy that day. Make sure that when you post your picture you tag it with the #100happydays so that others can see what makes you happy! Now if you don't want your to be publicly seen, they also have an option to email your picture straight to them, just make sure you click that option when you sign up.

The website tells you that 71% of people who do this challenge fail and their excuse was because they simply do not have time...... PEOPLE, we are on social media 24/7! Don't lie! So basically they are saying that they don't have time to be happy?!? UM, what? I disagree, I believe that we are just too lazy to find the good in life, it's easier to spot out what's going wrong. We all may not come from the best background, or have the best job, or the best family, BUT we all deserve to be happy!

So, I challenge each and every one of you to sign up. Let's be that 29% of people who succeed! (I know, that was intense math skills right there) If you have enough time to read my blog posts (as amazing as they are;) ) then you have PLENTY of time to post a picture of what makes you happy! 

To inspire you, here's my first post! 

It's that easy!!!! I'll be posting my #100happydays on Instagram (@merswiger) and Twitter (@merswiger), so feel free to follow me and my 100 happy days journey!