I'm In LOVE! but it's not what you think...

I am head over heels in love, y'all!!!!!

Yes, with my boyfriend, he's pretty awesome, but that's not what I'm talking about!

I am head over heels in love with this blog! Who knew?!? I'm sure a lot of you actually did.... but I was clueless! I had no idea that this thing would become what it means to me today, let alone last over two months.

That's right! It's been over two months now since I've had this thing. I'm like a blogging expert now..... except I have no earthly idea what to do besides type.

I'm the type of person who has to talk about their feelings. If I don't, they just fester up inside of me and I get madder/sadder/more emotional than when I started. This semester I have been in a place where it was harder to talk to the people around me. I don't see people my age very much, my best friend is in London, and my boyfriend is in another state. I got to text, call, and Skype them a lot, which was great, but still not the same as talking to them in person. SO, I turned to this blog. That sounds weird when I say it out loud, but I don't care.

This blog allowed me to get all my feelings out. It allowed me to rant and rave about whatever I wanted. I got to scream at it when I was anger, cry when I was sad, and smile when I was happy! AND the blog never disagreed with me, BONUS! hahaha This blog allows me to be a selfish friend. I come here, say whatever I have to say, and leave. Just like that. 

The weird thing is, I have never been a writer. Papers in school were my worst enemy! Maybe it was the formal setting I had to write them in or that I simply didn't care about what I was writing about, but this is different. Words flow easy here. I write about whatever I want. Nobody is giving me a grade. And there is no deadline. 

A lot of times I get mad at myself for going too long without posting, but then I remember, WHO CARES! This is my blog, my get away, my diary (if you will) SO I'm just gonna write whenever I want. If I don't post every day, or week for that matter, that's fine. If I post twice in one day, then I probably need it. 

So, thanks bloggy! You've been the best thing for me! I can honestly say I love you!

Happy Second Monthiversary, RWL! 

Also, Thanks for all the supportive friends and family! Y'all are the best! And don't worry, I love y'all too!

"Passion" Can Turn Sinful

Throughout my life, I have learned that I am an extremely passionate person. I don't like to do anything halfway. Whatever I decide to do, I commit to it completely. I mean like ALL of my time to whatever is my current fad. (This is partially fueled by competitiveness and wanting to the best.)

For many years, I was passionate about sports. Every free minute I had was spent running, kicking the soccer ball around, or shooting baskets with my brothers. I would not stop practicing until I beat my personal record, started on whatever team I was on, or was captain of the team. And then I got injured. Not an "you'll be better in 6 week" injury. It was an injury that I am still dealing with and will have to for.... ever. God stopped me right in my tracks (literally) and made me realize that I had turn this passion into an idol. I had turned a completely innocent and harmless joy into a sinful distraction. 

After I was injured, I was not allowed to compete in sports for a while, so I started working. I started out at a restaurant where I did not fit in. It was a locally owned sports bar where I was the hostess. The only server who remembered my name was my sister and the other hostesses and I butt heads a lot. I thought for sure that I would not have a problem with this becoming an idol in my life. And then I switched jobs. I started working the Marriott's restaurant where it was much more classy and the staff and I just clicked. My job itself was rather boring, but I started to love the money it came with and the people I got to see at work. I started working a lot! I'm talking 6 days a week (I didn't work on Sundays or it probably would have been 7). Every day after school I would run home to change and head to the Marriott. I had friends start to call me a workaholic. And finally it clicked in my head, CRAP! Sure enough, I had made another innocent act into my sinful idol. 

Well, then I was off to college. I wouldn't be doing sports and I didn't have a job. I loved my major, but not enough to make it into my idol. I was absolutely positive that I was in the clear. And two years later, I am just now realizing what "passion" of mine has been turned into idols. It was not a physical act, it was not anything physical at all... It wasn't even certain people. It was a feeling, a comfort, really. It was friendships....

Being in a dorm setting, I was surrounded by people, "friends", literally, 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. I dove into many different friendship head first, holding nothing back. I was sure (even after being warned) that these were true friendships that were gonna last as life time. I became obsessed with the idea of being so close to so many different girls. I spent all my time with them. When we weren't together, we were all texting and calling each other. I did not go a single day truly apart from them. Even through the summer, I visited many of them and made sure I talked to everyone at least once a week. I was so invested in these "friendships" I would have told anyone that asked that I was truly passionate about my friends, but the truth of the matter was, I had made friendships into my idol. 

I was relying on these friendships to make me happy. I was set of them bringing me joy when I should have been looking in a completely different place for that. Only once they failed me, did I realize that they are going to fail me sometimes. Because that's just what idols do. They are sinful and distracting. I'm not saying that friendships are wrong by any means! They can only be harmful if you put all your hopes into them and solely rely on them instead of God. 

The truth of the matter is, idols will not satisfy you! Maybe temporarily, but there will come a time when they disappoint. Not just in friendships, sports failed me when I was limited to no running. Idols will never fulfill whatever desire that you have. You may think that you are full, but one day, you will realize that you are very very empty in these idols, just like my friendships. 

Don't forget who brings you joy. Don't forget what truly satisfies you. And take an honest look at your "passions" and make sure that you aren't changing them into your idols, because they can be taken from innocent to sinful very quickly. Trust me. 

My Story Matters

One thing that I have always battled with is my story.

Growing up in christian family, going to church every Sunday, and being involved with youth group all my life, we are told story after story about how magnificent God's work is and how He can take the "worst people" and make them the "best christians." We are shown time and time again how God can pick anyone up out of the worst neighborhoods or the most dangerous countries and turn their lives around. What's not as common is being told someone's story that we could even possibly relate to.

Don't get me wrong, I love hearing about how God works and how He can take the hardest hearts and soften them. And while that can be encouraging, it's hard to relate to. I was born into a christian family full of love. I went to church since before I can remember. I could rattle off the books of the bible at a very young age. I had christians all around me, supporting and loving me. I said my little prayer to God by age five. There was always food on the table and a warm place to lie my head at night. Even though I've had my times (still do) where I doubt God and everything He gives us, I still know that I am a daughter of the most wonderful Father. Because of all this, I truly believed that my story was not important. 

After all, I didn't go through this horrific journey to get to God. I didn't find Him through tragedy in my life. As far back as I can remember, He was always there. My story was simple, it was basic, and I was certain that it was anything but inspirational. 

God has shown me recently that I am very wrong (shocking, I know). People need to hear my story. They need to hear your story, too! Yes, I may have been born into a blessed life, but that doesn't mean that God's not working just as much in my life as He was Saul's.

We all go through struggles with God. If you think you haven't, I would highly suggest analyzing your relationship with Him and making sure that it is real. Real relationships have real struggles. 

Your struggles could be big or little, but if even one person can relate to them, your story matters. 

If even one person is comforted by the fact that they are not the only one going through whatever, your story matters.

God has shown me recently that it's not how many people your story can touch. One person affected because of your openness to share your journey with or to God makes it all worth it.

I beg you to remember, your story matters. 

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Sorry for taking so long to post again.... Life took over!

Over the past week, I've been running around nonstop and this is the first time I feel like I've been able to just breathe.... 

Last week, I spent a few days during the work week in Clemson interviewing potential interns, which was weird! But the trip itself was a nice break from the normal work week and I learned a lot about future interviews I'll have to have. 

My mom came up for a couple of day this weekend and it was great to spend time with her and not do much of anything.

And now it's Monday. I was very late for work. It's been raining all day. Traffic was hell this morning because of the three different wrecks I passed. But hey, at least I remembered to wear green today! Happy St. Patty's Day!

The past couple of days, I feel like I've been knocked back instead of my forward pursuit of joy.

UGH! How frustrating it is! Why do I do this to myself? I think WAYYY too much. And I don't think it's helping that everyone's on spring break and I'm stuck at the office.

Lately, I feel like no matter how hard I try to move past this, life knocks me back down again. I keep trying to push on and defeat this demon, but I just can't.

This afternoon I got the most beautiful advice. It wasn't telling me to push forward, it wasn't telling me to get back on my horse, it wasn't anything like that.... It was this: 

"I’d just encourage you to keep sitting with that struggle…look it in the face and see what’s underneath it and what it’s trying to tell you, what God may have tucked away inside. Sometimes that takes forever to finally discover…but when we hold out and finally do, it’s just the most beautiful thing."

Thank you again and again and again for this advice. I am determined to figure out what God is trying to tell me and what He has planned for me. 

I'm trying to prepare myself for the fact that His plan may not be anything close to what mine is. I know that He knows best.. I KNOW that... but sometimes it's hard to TRUST in that. 

I've spent many nights crying out to God, begging Him to show me what his plan is, but now it's His turn to talk and my turn to listen. I'm great at talking to Him, not so fantastic at waiting for His answer or listening to Him. 

I may not get His answer right away, but that's alright. After all, everything is in His timing, right? And it may not be exactly what I want to hear, but I'm not God, am I? 

So, if I happen to come across your mind this week, please pray for me. Pray I will continue to seek God's help, but also pray I would shut up and listen to what He has to say. Pray that whatever His answer is, I will find peace in and know that He knows best. Pray that I will be able to look my demon straight in the face and find what God has tucked inside. 

Perfectly Peaceful Weekend

This weekend was simply wonderful. It was one of those weekends where you were not expecting much, but man it was amazing.

Friday at work felt like I was counting the seconds until 5pm rolled around. Finally get home and Matt shows up only 30 minutes later! We had subs with the kids, Christina, and Dan and just hung out till the kids were sent to bed. Then it was game on. The four of us sat at the kitchen table playing board games and card games and my favorite game (Spoons) until around midnight and until we were all officially EXHAUSTED! 

Saturday morning, I was woken to the sound of Batman cartoons and my cute little nephews sipping on their morning chocolate milk. My sister and I got up and went for our "run." This meant we walked around the neighborhood for a little over two miles, talking about everything haha. We came back and made coffee and cinnamon rolls... yummy!! I, then, recruited the help of my nephews to wake Matt up so we could go on our adventures for the day! After a quick shower, we loaded up the car and headed to lunch. We went to Zoe's Kitchen, where Dan had gotten coupons for free entrees and it was soooo good! Christina found a cute little children's museum in Rock Hill that the kids loved playing in for a few hours. We also tried to go to this "park" in this Indian reservation.... it didn't quite look like what it did online haha. So, instead we went on a little trail hike in a near by state park and found a playground there. Look how cute my boys are!

When we got back to the house we were all ready for a little nap! Matt and I headed to Taco Mac's for a dinner of wings and went to TCBY for some frozen yogurt after. We came back to the house to watch Duke beat up on UNC and it was a sweet victory to end the night ;). 

Sunday was by far my favorite! We were all a little thrown off by daylight savings but managed to get to church on time some how! After church, we had a delicious lunch of homemade lasagna and headed to hang out outside. We sat around with coffee in hand in mid-60s weather and it was perfect. Dan set up his Eno hammock which made for a great afternoon nap and the kids had a blast playing in the mud. Around 4pm, Matt headed back to Clemson and we got ready for a life group cookout. Before we headed out, the boys had a blast jumping in some leaves in the front yard. And check out this air that Luke got!

How can you not love this cutie pies?!? We headed over to a friend's house where the kids played in their HUGE backyard and the "adults" sat around just talking. It was so peaceful and easy-going! Not to mention, it stayed light outside until almost 8pm! One great thing about daylight savings!

This weekend was nothing special, but it was perfect to me. I got to spend time with the ones I love with no schedule constricting us. I was beautiful outside and so relaxing! PLUS, the first sign of spring! 

Monday morning hit me like a ton of bricks when I slept through my alarm and woke up an hour after I was suppose to! Oops!! But with Monday almost under behind me, this week looks to be fairly easy. Tonight I'm head to Clemson for a few days on a "business" trip with a coworker. (That makes me feel old.) Here's hoping the week will fly by so I can have another amazing weekend!

Now Is The Time

So I was driving home from work yesterday and I was talking to Matt on the phone (which is apparently a no-no in Charlotte... oops). We were planning out our next couple of weeks/weekends and figuring out when we were gonna see each other and who is gonna visit who when and all that good stuff when I realized, we have a busy schedule coming up!

While a packed schedule overwhelms a lot of people, it gets me really excited! I love having something to look forward to at the end of a long, hard week. For example, Matt is coming up to Charlotte this weekend, woooohoooo! AND I get the opportunity to go down to Clemson next week for a special graphics major day where I'll get to be on the other side of the interviewing process! And then in two weekends, Matt and I are meeting his parents in Raleigh for the NCAA tournament. (GO DUKE) And the next weekend, I'm headed to Edisto Island for a church women's retreat! I AM SO EXCITED! It's like four of my favorite things; Matt, Clemson, basketball, and the beach! 

Planning all of these fun adventures things or even just a chill weekend with Matt gives me something to look forward to when I'm sitting in my office cubicle, trying to convince myself that I don't have too much longer till 5pm, and that it's impossible to actually die of boredom (sometimes I believe myself, sometimes I don't). And I love being able to tell my coworkers at lunch that I have a big, exciting weekend planned. After all, I want them to know I have an extremely exciting life outside of work (HA yeah right). But while looking forward to all these things are great, I still need to remember my life in the present.

I am so quick jump forward to my future life; whether it's a weekend at the beach or when I'm married with kids. I always talk about how I'm so excited for the next phase of my life (I think that's cause I've always been the youngest). I love thinking about graduating college and getting a real job. OH, and don't even get me started on getting married (my Pinterest has my wedding planned out) and having kids. And while that's fine and dandy, I have a life right now. And I am living a pretty great one too! I go to the world's best college (maybe I'm a little bias). I actually enjoy doing my major every single day. I have this amazing opportunity to work with a company who is one of the world's leading design and printing company. I get a chance to live with my sister for the first time in over 10 years, which means I get to see my ADORABLE nephews every day. And even more than that, I get to meet my sister in a new way than I have before. I also get to spend tons of free time with friends and my boyfriend. I have all the freedom of being on my own with none of the responsibility. My life now is great!

SO, moral of the story is, I need to remember that while the future can be fun and exciting, I need to remember to be present in the now. Oh, I am just the worst at putting things off. I'll reconnect with that person when I need them in my life. I'll apologize to this person when they apologize to me. I'll pray more when I have more time. I'll become a member of my own church when I know I will be there for a while. "I'll do BLANK, when BLANK." I feel like that's all I say now. But the truth of it is, I don't have time. My life is today, this minute, right NOW.

If I'm not careful, this time in my life will slip away, never to be seen again. And if I'm not careful, I'm gonna miss out on the small, wonderful parts of my life that are going on all around me. When am I ever going to experience NOW again?!? (just in case you were wondering, the answer is never) I need to be present in my relationships NOW, not what it will be in the future. I need to be present in the Word NOW, not when I decide I have time for it or it's more convenient. I need to make the most of what I have NOW, not when I have just a little bit more. I need to be a great listener NOW. I need to be excited over the small things NOW. I need to love with all I have NOW. I need to live my life NOW.

After all, there's no other time like now! 

Why I'm Joyful

So since my last post was kinda dark and depressing, I figured I'd brighten this blog up a bit. This post will be all about what makes me joyful. and that's quite a lot!

I'll start with my family because if you know me, you know they are THE most important people in my life. And they are pretty awesome if I do say so myself.

First, there are my parents! My mom, who is my twin, has always been the listening ear that I need. My dad, who I get my humor and sarcasm from, has always been my teacher and my rescuer (mainly with my car haha). Needless to say, they have taught me to love hard and stand strong. 

High School Graduation 2012

Then there are my siblings! My best friends! I'm the youngest of six kids and I can honestly say I love each and every one of them, most of the time. ;)

Forever Ago ?

Next, my in-laws. The wonderful people my siblings fell in love with! The people who I have come to love as my own siblings!

The other Meredith (Scott's wife) and I

Brooke (Nick's wife) and I

Dan (Christina's husband) and I

AJ (Caroline's husband) who I don't have a pic with

And then there are my favorite little nephews and niece! The little ones in my life that make me so excited to have kids one days!

Luke (4), Bryce (1), and Mark (2)

Coan (almost 8 months)

Lucy (1)

I would be willing to debate that not another family could bring so much joy to another person than my family has brought to me. I love them with all my heart. Here's more pictures of my whole family, cause I just love 'em.

Missing AJ

Missing AJ, Dan, and Eric

Missing AJ

The Whole Clan! WOO

Then there is my boyfriend, who I've been with for over a year. He has loved me every second and has always been patience with me. He has taught me so many things and I wouldn't trade one second of our time together! 

Valentine's Day 2014

Next is my best friend. I met Sarah when I was a freshman in college and we lived together our Sophomore year. She has helped me become who I am today and I miss her dearly while she's in London or Dallas.

Fall 2014

Obviously, there are more people and things who bring me joy, but these are the ones that I wanted to share with you!