One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Sorry for taking so long to post again.... Life took over!

Over the past week, I've been running around nonstop and this is the first time I feel like I've been able to just breathe.... 

Last week, I spent a few days during the work week in Clemson interviewing potential interns, which was weird! But the trip itself was a nice break from the normal work week and I learned a lot about future interviews I'll have to have. 

My mom came up for a couple of day this weekend and it was great to spend time with her and not do much of anything.

And now it's Monday. I was very late for work. It's been raining all day. Traffic was hell this morning because of the three different wrecks I passed. But hey, at least I remembered to wear green today! Happy St. Patty's Day!

The past couple of days, I feel like I've been knocked back instead of my forward pursuit of joy.

UGH! How frustrating it is! Why do I do this to myself? I think WAYYY too much. And I don't think it's helping that everyone's on spring break and I'm stuck at the office.

Lately, I feel like no matter how hard I try to move past this, life knocks me back down again. I keep trying to push on and defeat this demon, but I just can't.

This afternoon I got the most beautiful advice. It wasn't telling me to push forward, it wasn't telling me to get back on my horse, it wasn't anything like that.... It was this: 

"I’d just encourage you to keep sitting with that struggle…look it in the face and see what’s underneath it and what it’s trying to tell you, what God may have tucked away inside. Sometimes that takes forever to finally discover…but when we hold out and finally do, it’s just the most beautiful thing."

Thank you again and again and again for this advice. I am determined to figure out what God is trying to tell me and what He has planned for me. 

I'm trying to prepare myself for the fact that His plan may not be anything close to what mine is. I know that He knows best.. I KNOW that... but sometimes it's hard to TRUST in that. 

I've spent many nights crying out to God, begging Him to show me what his plan is, but now it's His turn to talk and my turn to listen. I'm great at talking to Him, not so fantastic at waiting for His answer or listening to Him. 

I may not get His answer right away, but that's alright. After all, everything is in His timing, right? And it may not be exactly what I want to hear, but I'm not God, am I? 

So, if I happen to come across your mind this week, please pray for me. Pray I will continue to seek God's help, but also pray I would shut up and listen to what He has to say. Pray that whatever His answer is, I will find peace in and know that He knows best. Pray that I will be able to look my demon straight in the face and find what God has tucked inside.